Take Care

This past week I got the immense joy of going to Jesup for a couple of days and then down to Florida with the grandparents for Thanksgiving. I don't know if you don't enjoy your grandparents, don't know them, or never got the chance to truly know them, but I wholly invite you to come be apart of my family. Looking back on my favorite times with my family, my grandparents were there. Not just Grandma and Grandaddy from my mother's side but my Pop and Gan from my father's side as well. Any question I had to ask, they always had an answer. Grandparents have the best food, stories (which I believe to be somewhat enhanced from my grandfathers), and they have the best perspective. 

Now there are two men that I am particularly fond of and they are my Pop and my Granddaddy. These men stepped up and stepped in when I lost my own father and I have to say that they did a spectacular job. They filled my life with unconditional (and sometimes tough) love. If I have learned anything from my own short life here on this Earth, I know how time is fleeting. However, I never felt the depth and gravity of that knowledge until recently. For some reason this week I realized now more than ever is the time I should be spending with the best men I know. My life permanently changed after I lost my father but I couldn't ask for better men to have come in and give me that love, and my heart overflows with thankfulness and just awe at them.

This thankfulness extends so far past just these two men though. Sunday in church my pastor hit on the point. "The lack of a thankful heart is the beginning of man's rebellion against God." Well if that just didn't hit the nail on the head. I remembered Deuteronomy 6 where it says to take care lest you forget the Lord and what he has done for you. So often I just gaze over my blessing instead of truly thinking about them and the impact they have had on my entire life. I also realized that while we are given blessings, they are nothing if you don't remember to enjoy them.

As humans it is ridiculously easy for us to get caught up in the habit of thinking rather than action. I have thought about my blessings. I mean, I have taken time and just let the gravity of their impact be fully felt. And now I intend to maximize those blessings and really enjoy them. Whether that be more "just because" phone calls, slower runs to actually look at the scenery, or taking a moment to go swing. I encourage you to do the same. Don't let your days pass by in a haze because they are worth much more than your passing attention.

Live Today.

Never Late and Never Early

"Therefore preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ." 1 Peter 1:13

Reading and mulling this verse during my quiet time today brought up a point that I had overlooked when I read it last. "Set your hope FULLY". Honestly in this world what do we every do fully? So many times we think, well I just won't really put a lot into this because I don't think that it's going to be worth it in the end. I'm not saying that you should put yourself fully into something that is foolish, but I can't bring myself to think that hoping in the Lord and his plan is foolish. Heaven knows how many times I have been reminded just how great and powerful my God is and always will be. 

Recently, I've put serious consideration, a lot of belief, and action into my being a full time children's minister. This is a completely different path than MD or PA or nurse but I know in my heart that teaching kids about how much God loves them is a very strong passion of mine. Does this mean I am taking a risk? Yes. In many ways I have thought about and sought counsel on just how much of a risk I would take by going into full time ministry. Even after analyzing the cons (and the pros) I want to follow this passion. To me, seeing a child "get" God's enormous love and his amazing provision is something that makes me overjoyed. Children aren't afraid to ask questions, and hard questions at that, I am never ceased to be blown away with the complexity of a question about God a child has come up with. I mean, I've even asked the kid "Did you really think of that yourself?" because they are yearning to know something that people that have been Christians for years haven't even thought to ask. With that being said, looking back over my life and seeing how events and people came together, how those events and people helped shape a passion, and how much support I have received I am simply in awe of how God has led me to this season of life.

We always talk about how God is never late. We use bible stories like Lazarus and how Jesus raised him from the dead after he was in the tomb for four days to show just how God is never late. We also forget another important fact. God is never early. When Jesus first got word that Lazarus was sick, even the disciples assumed that they were immediately going to Lazarus. Jesus loved him. He knew his name. Yet Jesus said to wait. He didn't want to be early because he knew that being early and healing Lazarus before his death wouldn't show the people the entire power of God.

I struggled with impatience to get a direct and clear answer yet I wanted to know before it was my time to know. I fully trust that my hope in God and his direction for my life is not in vain, he has after all made us that promise.

Live Today.

Dream As Big As Dreams Can Be

First off, I feel like my last post needs some clarification. While I maintain that being a single upperclassman is hard, I am in NO RUSH to find someone, settle down, and do all that. I am still trying to get my feet under me here in the Greater Atlanta Area and I'm not exactly looking to go "girlfriending" anytime soon. That is, or at least I feel it is, still a long way down the road. I am very much satisfied with where I am at in life.


NEXT, the nursing school issue. Well, I got my answer. And it was a maybe. I was placed on the 2013 standby list but after talking with the advisor, my odds are slim to get in. I am not going to say that it was easy to hear those words. Or to sign a "Standby Contract". But the contract has been signed and the word has been given. Now where do I go from here? The plan, for the first time in my life, is genuinely wide open. There is not even a set back up plan that I have. And while I feel like I am wandering without any direction, I know that I am seeking direction continually and that whenever I am told where to go I will pursue that with my whole heart. Sometimes, we just get God's plan wrong.

Which means I'm honestly able to dream as big as a child in Kindergarten when you ask them what they want to be when they grow up. I've thought a lot about being a pharmacist, a physician's assistant, an optometrist, and even a doctor. I just know that my passion in life is to help kids get better and know that they are loved and cared for by at least one person in this world. I might not even stay in the science arena. I am no longer limited in my job selection and honestly that is a strange feeling.

I was talking to my sister a couple nights ago after I told her I just didn't feel very right and she brought to light so many things that are applicable but one seems to be a recurring theme throughout my talks with people after I found out my school news. "Maybe God is just holding you in his arms saying, "Taylor, just rest and let me hold you just a little bit longer. As soon as I let you go, you might not rest for a long long time." My "adopted" Mom in Jesup told me "Selah-- Be still and know that He is God." My mom in Suwanee told me "His ways are not our own. Wait for his way and go for it." And since God has slammed the breaks (again) I am waiting. My best friend told me "TayVo, Galatians 5, "Never get tired of doing good." Things may seem to all be falling down on you at once but hey, he's got it."

My mom and I got to talk and I told her it feels like this is watching Andy die all over again, I feel like this is my "no getting better" but then I think about how much better Andy really is. Our "no getting better" on Earth limited him and even my dreams to our own selfish desires. Maybe my "no getting better" and letting my dreams die will allow me to come in contact with one that's better than I can ever imagine. So as I figure out whether this is the death of a dream or just a complication I will "Be still" and dream.

"Dream a dream as big as a dream could ever be. Then dream a dream ten times as big as that one dream you see. Cause you're the one whose dreams can be whatever dreams you want. Whose dreams can change the way things are and the way that things are not. If they say that all you dreams are too big to come true, you tell them that I told you, "That's what dreams are MEANT to do!"

I might be Taylor Voyles, MD. And I'm okay with dreaming that.

Live Today.

Rush Hour

"Just because things don't work out according to the way of Taylor doesn't mean they won't work out according to the way of the Lord." 

This morning after making about what felt like 300 Pros/Cons list with my little sister, I got slammed with this truth. I've been going through the phase of being ready and able to being exhausted from waiting to finally having to get slapped in the face with words like that to wait with contentment and a ready, but not rushing, heart. 

A TON of my struggles come from either me trying to control too much or simply letting go and not trying to control anything at all. I understand people say "Let go and let God" and while this is true to some extent I don't believe this gives us the ability to the free pass to not control our own actions or at least try to contribute positively to a situation. Could I control how my interviewers viewed me for my nursing school interview? No.
Could I control how I gave my answer and the attitude that I portrayed in the interview? Yes.

I am still waiting for my nursing school letter indicating denial or acceptance but while I'm here I know that I can control more than my attitude, I can get a grip on my thoughts. The mind has the ability to affect literally every aspect of your life and if you don't reign it in how in the world do you expect to keep your attitude and your tongue in check? 

So often I have let negative thoughts come in and ruin my waiting process. And not just the waiting process for nursing school but for so many other "life" things as well. I've talked with a lot of my very good friends about this and the answer has always been "Taylor, just wait, just wait." The answer gets old and you get calloused to hearing it. 

The pressure causes people to go into overdrive. And without people to keep them in check there is nothing stopping them from rushing into something they may not be ready for just yet. It's easy to rush in a world that seems to think faster is better, but in some parts of life it's just good to take it slow. My friends and family have kept my thoughts and heart in check numerous times with so many various issues. I'm not in any rush to try and bend the will and the timing of my God to what I think it should be. If you're rushing with the rest of the world you're either going to crash or hit some serious traffic ... and ain't nobody got time for that.

Live today.

In The Middle

I've interviewed. Taken 4 tests. Worked every day. And even went home this weekend. Yet even in the midst of the crazy I feel like I didn't even stress about anything until my interview on Wednesday. 

I walked into the interview room and everything we talked about I felt like I was knowledgeable on the subject and now know that my job at Guardian Pharmacy has allowed me to have medical experience that I could talk about in my interview. Not only did I get to talk about my job but I also got to talk about Marshall. Speaking about this brought up emotions but somehow I was able to keep a calm and steady voice and finish my interview. I know that I gave the interviewers everything I had and all I have to do it wait. 

There's nothing I can do, and as you all know that is not something I deal with well. Yet at this time I've found myself a lot less stressed about school work or even nursing in general. I have a feeling of just being able to let go like never before. I guess it's from the knowledge that God will not forsake me. It doesn't matter whether or not I get in because there's another plan in action if I don't and if I do, then I know I am following down the path I believe God has going right now. 

I am stuck in the middle of decisions. It's not a completely easy place to be yet I know that here God has to be and in completely in control. There is nothing for me to even try and grip to and change. I've found peace in letting go and can only say that it's an experience that I am really enjoying. Updates will be posted as soon as I get them!

Live Today.

My Andy

I am BEYOND THRILLED to announce that I received a letter from the WellStar School of Nursing indicating my selection for an interview! (That will hopefully be followed by full acceptance!) I got my letter today and that is a miracle in and of itself but what is probably not known is the back story behind this letter.

I knew to go ahead and start looking in the mail for a letter indicating acceptance or denial and I had obviously prayed for acceptance. Well, I hadn't received my letter but in church this Sunday, a friend let me in on the hint of going online and trying to sign up for an interview because if you get in you can sign up and vice versa. And being the patient person that I am, I actually waited until I got into the car before I checked instead of looking right there during Sunday School. I logged onto OwlExpress, clicked on the link, and my heart broke.

Once again, I stared failure in the face. And thankfully the shock took a moment to set in so I could begin my sobbing in a parking lot rather than in the car with three little ones. I climbed out of the car and stood in the parking lot and with a broken heart just sobbed for a good minute. Thankfully my mom was there to comfort me in person and not just over the phone this time. And her talk was one of the most inspiring I've ever heard, 

"Taylor, you can't lie down and not fight for something you love... something you believe in. Think of this, when Andy was in his car wreck I fought for him for 18 days. I fought tooth and nail for him. The doctors knew when I was coming because they knew that I'd have questions they'd have to answer or things I'd want them to do to help Andy. I fought for him because I loved him. I fought for him until God showed me and told me, "Denise, there is no getting better." Only then did your dad and I decide to let him go. We had done everything we could for him. We loved him, raised him in a Christian home, watched over him, prayed for him, he was saved, and we Fought. For. Him. against every odd. Your nursing dream hasn't reached "no getting better". You have the grades, you have the knowledge, and you have the ability. Go fight for your dream. Until God shows you that there is "no getting better" you must never give up."

After some research I realized that my entrance exam scores hadn't been turned in and then all of the sudden, I had hope. I called the office today and an advisor asked me to bring my my scores and within a matter of minutes the decision had been reversed and I received an acceptance letter for an interview! I had fought for what I love and I had come out on top. I had won for my Andy. 

Thanks to many people for so much encouragement. I definitely couldn't have fought without you. Go fight for your Andy. Don't let your fear of failure stop your from fighting for your dream. Until there is "no getting better" don't ever give it up.

Live Today.

Truly Disconnected?

How many times have I made a decision or impulsively done something without even giving my action a second thought? Tons. How many more times will it happen in my life? Tons. Recently, I've been provoked to look back over the recent years of my life and look, evaluate, and become truly aware of who and what my actions have affected. It's been a harrowing journey to say the least and my more drastic changes have come only within the past three years.

I look at my friends now and try to trace back to how we became more than just "Hey, how are ya?" people. Somewhere along the line, we decided that more communication was what we wanted to invest in and without a lot of thought, we became people that talked at length about pretty much anything. Some of these friends I've known since birth, but majority of the more recent ones came along after a very specific turn and twist of events in my life. 

This time a year ago, I came to be a devastated person. My future had quite literally crumbled before my eyes and I called a few very specific people and told them all that had unfolded and they listened with almost equally as crushed opinions and hopes. My life fell into a tailspin for a few moments and as I talked to those people today they tell me that I was more than upset (what I originally thought I was), they told me I was devastated. After a quite lengthy talk with my mom and my Aunt, I came to fully understand that my life wasn't mine to waste. It is full of unexpected turns, punches, but most importantly failures. There are things that we have made so important in our lives that when they are removed, we feel like an incomplete and utterly cracked individual. 

When I knew that I could no longer wallow in a situation that didn't deserve it, I stepped out. I started writing this blog, making friends with people in my classes, going out with different groups of people, laughing more, and becoming a woman that knew how to recover and move on with her life. I became surrounded by an amazing group of people that while are not my blood relatives, they practically are related. Even after an apology from the person that hurt me, I looked at the situation I was in and knew that while I could forgive, the decision that person made would always be connected with what my future could have been and what it has become today. 

I look back and have actually become glad that my life took that twist and that dream fell and allowed God to come in and rebuild the pieces in his image. I look at my friends and know that without my collapse there's no way that I would be where I am now. However, so many times we think that our past decisions do not affect our future much less anyone else's. But while your choice may not devastate a person, it still alters their future. There is no choice you make that is ever truly disconnected from everyone but yourself and your past decisions shape your present reality. 

Live Today.

I'm An Owl

Well, it's official. I am now a registered, on-campus living, owl. Thanks to my packing master mother, I was able to get everything in my car so I only had to make one trip! I have moved in and am now just trying to get my clothes all situated so I don't waste any space!

Yesterday was a very emotional day for me. I was leaving a fantastic summer to come up to a place where I hadn't really met anyone and was hopefully going to have a great year. I was also not going back to a town that has felt like home for the past two years, Athens. That was probably the roughest part for me. I know that I can always go back to Jesup and see my family but my brothers and sisters lived in Athens. I called Aunt Lynn and cried to her for a few minutes but as we kept talking she had me see that while I am going to a place I didn't know anyone, I'd already been blessed beyond measure so why should I worry about meeting new people and making new great friends? She was right.

As I got closer to KSU I felt less and less sadness and more and more excitement. I knew that my roommates were three really solid girls and that even though we hadn't ever met face to face I felt like I knew them already. After getting up here and moving in for a bit, I got to meet all of my roommates and their parents. Thanks to the parents, I actually have pictures and some canvases up on the wall. Can you believe it??

God has continued to show me that I am where I am supposed to be, even if sometimes I feel like I'm alone. I know that only great things are going to come out of me living here in Kennesaw and I can't wait to see what they are. Too often we let doubt and fear overcome what should be excitement and courage in new situations. There's no way to know how things will work out, but after seeing everything that God has provided for you day after day there's no way to doubt that he's going to continue to provide. He has given me everything I could ever need and more, and I know that there is only more to come. 

That is something I can't even wrap my head around. My life has been so blessed and so great so far, how can it get better? And then I think about how my life is still very much unfolding and how in Jeremiah, we are promised a great future. God wants to give us a future better than our present or our past. He believes in ever-continual love and blessings. 

Live Today.

Two Weeks...

It's official. I'm leaving home for KSU in two weeks. The panic is already starting to close in. I have gotten new bedding (because I have a full bed! AH!!), I've even gotten wall decorations, I mean real actual decorations for the wall. If that just doesn't say miracle, I don't know what does because everyone knows that me and wall decorations are just not friends. I am very excited that I have a new place to move into and I am very excited about my new roommates.


One thing that I have noticed about the Atlanta area is how much more expensive it is than Athens. I went looking for an apartment and that was the first things that bounced off the page. I knew that going to there would be a financial stretch for me, but I also knew that God is calling me to go to KSU. Not only is it more expensive but I also don't have a job yet. This is a different circumstance than I have ever encountered. I knew that God would provide for me if I followed but I have struggled time and time again on trusting him with my finances and his timing for my school. This last week, I prayed and prayed and prayed some more about this area and asked for his blessing. His answer couldn't have been more clear.


I went to Orientation and signed up for classes, toured the campus, even ate at the dining hall, and I also got to look at my apartment. I was in awe of the campus and the facilities offered to the students and just how nice the campus was. I continued to pray for finances and nursing school as I went through orientation and got some depressing news. My grades were what prevented me from getting into nursing school. At the time I applied I had 4 A's and 3 B's and those grades just weren't good enough for me to get in. Now for the Spring start I have 5 A's and 2 B's but I don't know if that will be good enough either. We will just have to see. So I am still questioning God and his timing for nursing school, but I welcome the questions rather than demanding answers. 


Earlier this week I got online to do the most dreaded thing in a college student's mind. I went to check the bill and what a surprise I got. My transcript had a glitch and HOPE hadn't reviewed my transcript, yet I still had a negative balance. I called the Financial Aid office and asked what was going on with the negative balance and I was told that was my refund!! I told her that my HOPE hadn't come through yet and we talked about my GPA and she said they'd have my transcript reviewed soon to get me my HOPE award. The next day I got an email and it said I had MORE MONEY coming back to me!! I can't say enough how blessed I have been following God in this journey and I can't wait to see how God continues to bless me!


Please pray for nursing school. I find out in September whether or not I have been accepted into the program and if I haven't there is some serious thinking to do, also pray for a job. I definitely need one, but with my recent financial news I have a month rather than a week to find one. Praise God!!


Live Today.

Wait, What?!

Well, it turns out that it's my last week as the Children's Ministry Intern at FBC Jesup and I can honestly say that I am not ready for this week to go. As tiring as this week has been, I can look back on this summer and see God's hand in everything that happened before, during, and what he is orchestrating to happen at the end of this week. My life has changed since I came home and took a year off from a camp that I love more than almost anything. Would I have accepted the call to Children's Ministry? Probably so. Would I have known how to even go about being a Children's Minister to a group of kids? Absolutely not.


I know now that I needed this summer to see that not only would I accept the call to children's ministry, but also I would get some experience in actually leading a group of kids for more than a week. I was blessed to be able to lead adults and parents for an entire summer as well and their openness, honesty, and willingness to help me with any random request that I had shows their heartbeat behind this summer was to get the kids involved and help them learn what a true relationship and walk with God looks like. 


I can't even begin to thank people individually because I know that this post would turn into one that spanned about six pages minimum. But, I have to thank my awesome staff that I got to work with this summer. Whether it was a staff meeting, seeking counsel, or simply joking around, this staff up here at the church have become more like my family rather than my boss and coworkers. They are seeking after God and his plan with everything they have for their own lives and more importantly for the life of this church. Sometimes we forget that ministers are people too, so remember to encourage them as they have encouraged you and this church. Next, shout out to my fellow intern PARKER WAYNE!! We have worked together for 10 weeks and haven't killed each other, in face we've only grown closer. You're the bomb. I know you're going to do some pretty awesome things. Hey Mom, I haven't forgotten about you. You have been such an asset to my organization and the small details of this summer getting taken care of and completed. I know that I wouldn't have been able to do half of what I've done without your help. 


For next summer, some questions are still around but I'm pretty sure I know where I'll be headed. I am still deep in prayer about it but I know that God has put a deep longing on my heart to go to where I am supposed to be next summer. I pray that God puts key people into my life that help guide me to where I'm supposed to be and that I take every chance I get to go thru an opened door. 


There are things that I'll never forget and I know that this is one of them. 


Live Today.

Day Tres: Take A Stand, A 33 Year Old, and The 3 L's.

So Day 3 has come and gone and we are all in tact and haven't even gotten lost yet. We have had such a great day and it wasn't even OMC Day. Just like any morning we got up and let the kids go to breakfast and do quiet times, but today was even more of a blessing to watch because the kids were really really into camp. They are diving deeper and deeper into the word with every chance they get and that is the joy of camp. After quiet time we went into I Can't Wait and when the Gold Medal Group Leader competition camp up I saw my name up there! Well at the end of the game I was told that I had won and was the Gold Medal Group Leader of the Day! THAT was super exciting!! 

I walked down to the Recreation Field and got some awesome pictures of our kids playing some games and they were SO into recreation, it was absolutely an intense thing to watch. I even got to play some games myself! (Although playing the game where you tuck a flag in your pocket and run away from people wasn't exactly the most relaxed game in the world.) The amazing staff we have working with us has tied the Bible into every single thing we do here at camp and that is one of the great things about CentriKid. The Bible is the book of the week and it is preached all day every day. 

At track times I got to help with No Boys Allowed again and actually got to work with the girls through coming up with questions they wanted answered about life. I got to share bits a pieces of my story thru the girls asking me different questions about my life (I didn't tell them my age so they all decided that I'm 33) and it was awesome to watch them get excited to share parts of their testimony after they watched me give a snippet of mine. 


Worship tonight was AWESOME. Our kids learned so much on taking a stand for God and that it's not always going to turn out pretty and nice but it will always be right. Like the boys in Daniel, we will be thrown into an extremely hot furnace but our furnace it the world. We talked about how following God in your life involves three L's.

• Listening
• Loving
• Letting Go

Sometimes we can listen and love but letting go of our lives and things we want to cling to no matter if there may be something better in store for us is definitely the hardest L to live by. I would never imagine that I would be the place that I am right now and I know that if I had not conquered my fear of completely letting go there is no way that I could be enjoying the millions of blessings that God has given me. 

Live Today.

Making the Wise Choice

Well Day 2 has come to a close and you can actually hear some of our kids' joints aching. I'm not joking. Overall it has been another FANTASTIC day at camp! We have had our first full 24 hours here and all the kids seem to really be enjoying it. Our church group host, Coach Colby, is super awesome and super talented at loving on our kids and being intentional with them to get to know their hearts more and minister to them in that way. 


We got to start out the day doing quiet times and it was such a joy to get to watch these kids pray and dive into the word of God early in the morning and start their day off talking to their creator. After that we went into I Can't Wait and of course the pastor asked the lovely question of "How much sleep did you get?" This one poor child had stayed up the entire night and actually had to be woken up to raise his hand to win the least sleep competition. Now my roomie and I have solved our not being able to wake up problem... we brought a coffee pot for the room. Some people say it's nuts, I say it's completely genius. 


My roomie and I braved Anderson, SC today (which is actually bigger than some people give it credit for) to go to our Mecca to pick up some supplies. This place is otherwise known as Target. Our directions were sound, we made it back in plenty of time to fill the coolers with new ice so our drinks were sitting in ice rather than floating like life preservers in water... Now filling up coolers with ice doesn't sound, nor is it actually that interesting; however, driving with coolers full of ice in the back of a church van is the interesting part. After we had manned up to get this large cooler and the smaller styrofoam filled, stacked on top of each other, and taken to the van we left our parking lot and headed around a corner. Then, a calamitous sound filled the van. That sound being one of ice flying EVERYWHERE. We stopped traffic, I hopped out, saved what ice I could and got to ride in the van the rest of the way to the boys dorm... it brought back a lot of memories from last summer. 


The kids are having almost as much fun as the adults are! During the time they had to call home today I got a lot of "Miss Taylor, do I really have to?" The answer was always, "YES." It's been such a relief to see that the kids are truly enjoying themselves and soaking up every minute of camp. Track times have been adventure for campers, staff, and adults alike. Today I volunteered to help with an all girls track, only to find out that the original staffer had become ill and was replaced with a girl that took over like a pro. I got to help her teach and figure out what to do with the track. (We always have to act like we know exactly what we're doing during track times, and this girl made her transition as seamless as it could possibly be.)


Our study today was about Daniel and how he decided to not eat the King's food. Thinking about the punishment he could've suffered makes me question whether or not I would have been able to stand up like that. We also talked about how Jesus made a determined choice to go into Jerusalem in his last days on Earth even though he knew that he was going to be turned over and sacrificed for our mistakes. That word sacrifice is our key word for the week and I pray that the kids come to truly know what it means. Sacrificing our lives doesn't sound fun (and it really isn't) but once we do give up our lives we discover everything we have been missing out on. And that is a reward greater than anything we could ever imagine.


I got to have some down time with the girls that came to camp with me tonight after church group time and their grasp on the Lord is just amazing. We talked about how to follow where God leads us whenever he's not actually in front of us, and let me tell you these girls have an understanding far beyond their years. All I can say to that is this, "Praise God! Praise God! Praise God!" He has blessed us beyond our imagination in our lives and the one and a half days we've been at camp. I can only imagine what will be in store for us tomorrow. 


Live Today.

Game On!

Well the first day of camp has come and gone and suffice it to say that I am in one awesome transitional phase. It was so strange to actually see camp from a Group Leader and a camper's perspective today and actually walk thru what they walk thru without having to guide them personally thru it. Whenever we pulled up, I was super surprised to see on of my friends jumping up and down! I was so surprised that I actually hung out the window and gave her a hug and squealed and all that girly stuff. After giving a big hug to her and some more people, I went in and registered our group and did the whole grown up thing of getting keys and such, which again was super strange. 


We got the kids separated into different rooms and let them unpack and rest for a little before the camp day began so it was nice to just have a little down time before I literally hit the ground running tomorrow. I am not used to not being in the aisles jumping up and down all while screaming and having a huge smile on my face, but at the same time I absolutely love it. 


Please pray for us as we go throughout the week. We will be learning and taking to heart the word sacrifice and what it means for us to present our lives as a living sacrifice and that can be a tough concept to fully grasp at this age in life. Shoot, it's even a tough concept for me to fully follow through with sometimes. Pray also for the kids. We have traveled far away from home and are in a different place; it's easy to get overwhelmed with the newness of it all so please just be in prayer that they will soak up each moment that they can and just enjoy being at a great camp. Lastly pray for our awesome staff and chaperones to have emotional/physical strength and tons of energy. I can already tell that we have an amazing group of staffers doing camp for us this week and am even more excited that I have the chaperones that I do with me. 


I will try to post a little something every single night but hey, it's camp so I can't make any promises. These kids are hopefully going to have a time that they can always remember with people they will never forget. Their hearts are ready to learn and their ears are ready to listen, so all we have to do now is just tell them the Word of God. I hope that their lives will be changed as much as mine was because of this camp.


Live Today.

Loud And Clear

In my previous post I asked for prayer to keep looking up and to focus my sight on God and not necessarily where he's leading me, but to just rest and become equipped to walk down the path that he is making me ready for more and more everyday. That hasn't been easy and there have been some direct sacrifices along the way, but I can say that I have a peace and a joy that comes from being alone with God without having my attentions diverted. Sad as it is to admit, that is exactly what I needed to happen this moment in my life. 


With that being said, my alone time with God has allowed me to come face to face and full on to a call that he put on my heart. I know that God has gifted me in many areas of being a nurse and that is what I will continue my schooling in, but after I graduate with my B.S.N. I will be following God to seminary. While God has blessed me with a gift in nursing, he has also blessed me with a gift and a strong love for children's ministry. I thought for so long that the two had to be mutually exclusive but after much research, talking to other nurses and children's ministers, and prayer I just don't see how or why I will need to separate the two. 


I have talked with my mom about this and she is behind me all the way and I am so excited to finally have a little glimpse of where I'm supposed to go. We have joked about different places but I know that if I make any plans right now, they more than likely won't pan out. I don't know which seminary I will be headed to because that will come after more prayer and searching but I just know that God's calling me so I will go. 


This calls for another pick up and move right after graduation (which I have a little while so obviously there's no rush) but I can't say I'm surprised. Asking God to run ahead of me wherever he wants me to go doesn't exactly sound like an invitation for him to keep me in the same place. He knows how to get me out of my comfort zone and has no trouble yanking me away from it. However, I now am getting a more complete understanding of blind faith and more full knowledge of his amazing ability to bring things together that we never even began to plan in the first place. 


My journey has begun and God and I will walk it together.


Live Today.

Looking Up

There comes a time in every college age person's life where you face a decision. It's the most important decision you will make in your life, and while you can seek the counsel of others, ultimately only one person can make the decision. 


No pressure, right?


This lovely decision and all it's importance is the one known as "changing majors". 


Before I went off to college I went from wanting to be a meteorologist, to fashion merchandising, to journalism, to bull fighter, to model, and finally as my senior year rolled around, I decided on Athletic Training. Sounds fun, huh? I basically would get to be out on a field watching games and making sure that an injured person received the proper care. I went in and was flying through my core and pretty much excelling in my major classes and really thought I had found my niche until one day the idea of being an athletic trainer just wasn't sitting right. So after much prayer, searching, and inspiration from a friend passed, I decided to become a nurse.


If you've been reading, you've seen how this path has been one of trust, blind steps, and leaping into the unknown. I really enjoyed the journey over the past year and didn't think anything could change my mind. That was, until I went to camp. 


Experiencing ministering to kids was a very unexpected opportunity that completely changed my life. If I had never gone to camp then I never would've loved doing ministry, if I had never fallen in love with ministry I wouldn't have taken this amazing internship with my best friend and amazing staff. All this being said, I'm coming to a point that I'm thinking that God might have something alongside me being a nurse... Being a Children's Minister.


God knows that I love to have an end goal in mind. He knows that it's practically written in my DNA to know where I'm going to end up. The in between steps can be a little fuzzy but I HAVE TO HAVE A DESTINATION. Well as my love for ministry grows every day, my end goal of simply being a nurse has become a little hazy to say the least. I've been struggling over asking God, "What do I need to do? Where do I need to go? Where are you leading me?" And then I realized he's leading me one day at a time now. He's going to break my compulsive need for an end goal until he is ready to reveal my destination to me. 


The author of "Jesus Calling" said it best: "Rest with Me a while. You have journeyed up a steep, rugged path in recent days. The way ahead is shrouded in uncertainty. Look neither behind you nor before you. Instead, focus your attention on Me, your constant Companion. Trust that I will equip you fully for whatever awaits you on your journey...."


I don't need to look in front, around, or behind. I need to look up. Don't worry about your destination, it may be hidden now but you are becoming more and more equipped for the days ahead.


Live Today.

Oh Bother.

Well, it's practically halfway through the summer and I'm still very much in love with my job as I was the day I started. This week is gong to be a little quieter than the past because my fellow intern and brother is out of town and at camp! He's been super excited about it for the past few months and now that they've finally made the eight hour trip they can finally just go to camp and be a youth group. This only makes me more anxious to be at camp with my kids in a few weeks. In all the hustle of getting money, forms, and contacts there seems to be something that has been gained in it all. That my friends would be a severe and crippling reliance on God and his timing. 


That reliance has come from more than just getting people's forms in, it's come from me seriously considering taking this part time internship and turning it into a full time ministry. I didn't think that working with kids over the past two summers would have changed my heart as much as it has, but I can't imagine doing anything else with my summers than stressing out and jumping around. (Trying not to do that at the same time.) God has shown me his love through these kids and I know that there is no better feeling that watching a child grasp the love and the grace that God has given them. 


Naturally this shady bit of uncertainty has affected my life simply because I want to know where I'm going at all times. Here again, I'm smacked in the face. I was talking to a friend the other day and was telling them all about what was going on and they simply said, "Jesus has gotten you out of a lot worse things than this, so what makes you think he's just gonna leave you behind now?" Ouch. 


I also finished up 1 Corinthians today and after looking through there a verse really stuck out to me. 


1 Corinthians 16:14 "Let all the things you do be done out of love."


God's greatest commandment is to love so it's not too surprising that you see the words "do love" pop up pretty much everywhere in the Bible. But it still doesn't hurt to be reminded every once and a while that even when we are frustrated or annoyed or even plain angry we cannot let these feelings get in the way of what we've been called to do. Love.


Live Today.

This is VBS?

Let VBS begin! A week of 12 hour days, jumping up and down, running around with kids, coming home exhausted and still doing work. Sounds oddly like camp to me. I was DEFINITELY not completely prepared to tackle the logistics, creativity, and many various aspects that directors undertake. And believe me, if it wasn't for my awesome team of directors and volunteers I can tell you right now there is no way that VBS would even be close to a success. 

Sunday during the Children's Sermon, Bro. Earl brought out our stuffed astronaut (Lt. Dan, he got new legs. Heehee!) And while his legs were pretty securely attached, his hands... not so much. So while Bro. Earl was waving his hands around a glove plopped off and hit the astronaut straight in the stomach. The kids definitely loved that. 


Last night, we got to do a VBS Kick-off were I got to play with kids on a bouncy slide and get snow cones and pop corn. Getting paid to play? Yes please. I don't think I've had so much fun this entire summer. I got kids going down on their stomachs, backs, barrel rolling, and just doing whatever. 


Tonight however, was more of a worship atmosphere. We're doing the SpaceQuest theme and it has been so much fun to watch the kids pretend like they're in space and jump up and dance around like there's no gravity. There's nothing quite like the feeling of leading worship for a bunch of kids. 


Working with the same kids has been a different thing for me to do but I know that God called me here for a reason and the reasons are starting to become clear. I am so excited to see what else will happen this week and how these kids lives will be impacted thanks to the amazing team of volunteers putting in countless hours and tons of effort towards the success of VBS. 


Live Today.

And So It Begins

The first official week has passed and Parker and I are still very much alive. It's a miracle right?


Well the first week of bible study was such a learning experience. This is the first children's bible study I have taught outside of the camp world and needless to say I was very very nervous about teaching it. But, just like riding a bike, I remembered that there's really not any magic words you can say or something magic you can do to make the kids truly take in and grasp what you are saying. 


I've been reading through 1 Corinthians in my quiet time and the first few chapters Paul emphasizes a couple things. First, he is NOT the one who saves. He says over and over again, "Some say, "I follow Paul." Others say, "I follow Apollos." But you actually shouldn't be following either of us." He tells them over and over again that Jesus is the only one who can save, change, and cleanse us. Secondly, he really is passionate about not having to use big fancy words to share the gospel. I mean, this guy is really passionate about this. "My speech and my message were not plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God." 


Now that was great for me to start out with and to learn, but something I struggle with as a bible study leader is worrying about looking silly in front of the kids. (Which they actually love by the way.) In Chapter 4 Paul says that while he is teaching he is a fool and he is weak for Christ's sake. If one of the greatest missionaries of all time is a fool while teaching thousands, I think I can be a fool for kids. 


I don't have to worry about looking cool, having the best lesson plans, being the most eloquent teacher, or being perfect in front of the kids. God will use everything that I have to give. A friend told me not to worry about my first bible study because I can only speak the words that God gives me and God alone can change hearts. He was right. So very right.

Now for the fun!! The birthday elves visited our Minister of Education last night and were kind enough to decorate his office with balloons, easter eggs, and even a hidden air horn!! How fun is that?? But after the birthday elves left, Mr. Earl decided to take it upon himself to welcome the interns... and this is what it turned out to look like. 










Don't be afraid to be a fool. And don't be afraid to have fun!


Live Today.

Start of Summer

Today marked the official start of my summer internship at First Baptist Church. I honestly don't even remember everything that I did today other than being extremely thankful that I had gone in a couple days last week. I don't think that I could've gotten as much done if I hadn't gotten a head start. 


Today I tried to conquer the folding machine. Key word here, try. I was sending out baby shower invitations (For Bible Study!!) and thought, "Man, it'd really be a lot simpler to just use the automatic folder." Well... I though that but once I approached this contraption of squealing parts and metal I was soon very intimidated. There were buttons glaring at me and wheels screaming and I didn't even know where to put the paper to begin folding. I can honestly say that it took me probably 25 minutes to figure out where to even begin on that machine. After I folded it in half once I needed to figure out how to fold it in half again. Well I can tell you that that didn't happen. I just ended up folding those sill things by hand. 


Tomorrow I think I'll try and conquer the printer and it's settings. Don't laugh because it's a lot harder than it sounds.


One thing is for sure, Parker and I are seriously going to have one amazing summer. I can't wait to spend a ton of time with my best friend and see what God has in store for our ministries through the summer.


Please be praying for us as we serve the students throughout the summer and as we go throughout the general struggles of figuring out a new job. We both are so excited and can't wait for the summer to get in full swing!


Live Today.

An End and A Beginning

This Mother's Day weekend is definitely one I will never forget.


I was finishing my last day of work Friday and received a call that my Gan had passed away. I went home from work, and met my mom (who made a huge driving sacrifice of which I am eternally grateful) and we packed up my apartment and while she drove back to Jesup, I drove to Norman Park to be with my family. I got there to be received by a Pop, Angela, and Mary Jo and we laughed and talked about Gan. Don't get me wrong, we cried as well but we tried to celebrate her rather than mourn. Her funeral was on Mother's Day, 13 May 2012. There couldn't have been a better day to have a beautiful funeral for a woman who was like a mother to so many and was a spectacular grandmother. The picture above is one of me and Gan at this past Christmas, and one of my favorite pictures of all time. I couldn't be more thankful to Angela for arranging us to get them. 

Now I'm a terrible Mother's Day, birthday, random gift picker outer. I mean if there was a scale I'd be the reference for the bottom. But this Mother's Day I knew that the only gift I needed to give was one of support to my Pop. He is a man that has been through so much. After 52 years of marriage he was still very much in love with the girl who captured his heart in the tenth grade. I don't think there was really any secret to it. He loved God and he loved his wife. He took his covenant before God and his commitment to her very seriously. Even when she contracted Alzheimer's and she had to be put in an assisted living home he visited her every single day and made sure she knew that he loved her. She had called me Andy for the past few years and could barely remember Angela and Mary Jo's name sometimes, but she never forgot Pop's name. Every now and then she'd look at us and say, "Where's Jimmy?" or "Is Jimmy coming?" or "Jimmy, I love you!" Talk about your "Notebook" love, right? 


I came home after the funeral and the next day began my intern work for my home church. I can already tell that this summer is going to be a wonderful blessing and it hasn't even officially started yet. 


Similar to last summer, I will be posting updates of what I'm doing with the kids, random stories, and little stories of things occurring around the office. I can't wait to see what God is going to do through this Children's Ministry this summer.


One thing that I'm super super excited about is the fact that I'm working with my brother and best friend, Parker Wayne. The dynamic duo is back together for an entire summer and the fun has yet to truly begin. I have many pranks already planned and can't wait to have some pictures up... because guess who's birthday is happening this summer? Don't worry, I'll be writing about that as well. 


Live Today.

Live To Love

Well, I'm wrapping it up here at UGA. Getting ready for the summer and the opportunity to minister to and serve kids and their parents at First Baptist Church. I can't thank God enough for everything that has happened and everyone that I have been blessed to call my friends. 

Wrapping up my time here at UGA, I'll also be wrapping up my study of Ephesians... well almost. I was reading today through chapter 4 and literally the first verse out of the gate screamed at me. 

"...Walk the life to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, patience, and bearing with one another in love." 

Notice that the listed attributes are not ones that come naturally to us. I've talked about patience and how that is a struggle, but the rest are definitely not easy for me either. But it is written that this is how we are to live. 

Bearing with one another in love. I definitely need to start reminding myself of that when I run into someone when I'm in a hurry and they just want to talk or when I am super frustrated with someone. That's what we are called to do as Christians. Love. And love genuinely. God sees our hearts when we do things and when our heart conflicts with our actions it makes him nauseous. I mean, we don't exactly feel like a million bucks when we're doing it either. There are so many blessings to be had and opportunities to witness when we do things with a genuine heart and it's a shame to miss them.

Live Today.  

Guarded?

Yes yes, it's been a while since I've written. I understand that. But let me just say that college has begun to wind down and that's when the students start to wind up. In order to relax, I like to exercise. I don't know why that is, never have never will, but I've always thought of running as a therapeutic so in order to recover from an anatomy exam I went for a run. As I was going down East Campus Road, I reached the College Station intersection I stopped and hit the crossing signal (The infamous Athens "White Man") for me to be able to continue my, up to that point, lovely run. I look both ways then take about three steps into the road when I look to my left and there's a motorcycle coming full steam ahead at me. He slams his breaks, I try and stop, and luckily I was not hit I did however hit his jacket. He pulled over and asked if I was okay, which I was, I asked him how he was and how is bike was, both turned out to be in perfect condition. After that I asked him how fast he was going and he responded with "Ma'am I was going about 55 mph when I ran the light... I could've killed you." 


Whenever he said that my mind shot back to what had just happened. If I had not stopped to press the turn signal, his bike would've taken me down. And at 55 mph he was right, he absolutely could have killed me. 


You know those spooky times when you just get the cold sweats and chills thinking about the possibility? Well that was absolutely one of those times. I called my mom, told her what happened and as I talked the reality of the situation overwhelmed me. I began to cry and thankfully she called one of my best friends and got him to come pick me up. Whenever I would start to cry again, mom pointed out a great point (as she normally does). "Taylor, yes, you could've been killed, but you weren't God's protecting you. God's guarding you." 


And there it is people. I had heard that guardian angels were real and all that, but I had never been in a situation where I narrowly missed what could have been a tragic accident by mere seconds. I had read about the stories of people not being attacked because they were being accompanied by two "unseen men", and that certainly isn't the case tonight, but I know for a fact that I was being guarded. There's no other explanation for it that that. 


Being guarded has become such a real thing now. God has guarded my heart but know I am certain he is guarding my life. Thanks Mom for the talk and Zach for the Sonic. Look both ways when you're crossing the street and for goodness sakes, please don't run a red light.


Live Today.

A Wandering Wonderer

Admit it. Somedays are better than others. There are some days that you feel like you could conquer the world, and then there are other days where you just feel like you want to stay in bed all day and just not do one single productive thing. Well, luckily enough for me, today was neither of those days. I've been in a funk. (BJ, hope you don't mind that I'm using your word.) Honestly there is nothing to describe it but that. I feel like God's path for me has become completely over-grown with bushes and stuff that is just either getting in the way or covering it up. 


There are so many things to distract a person. Ranging from Netflix to even your own thoughts. I'm not saying I know how to solve that or to even begin how to fix it because I myself am still trying to figure out how to get the distractions out of my life. However, one thing that I know for certain is that I feel like a wandering wonderer. I want to know what is going to happen in my life. I want to know if I'm going to even be a nurse. I want to know if there's anyone out there for me. I want to know why things happen. And yet at the same time I'm trying to figure all this out while trying to keep my eyes on the path that God has for me. And I don't know about you but I have semi-weird vision and sometimes only possess the attention span of a fish so distracting myself from the path isn't the smartest thing to do. 


This weekend however, I heard something that really put all my questions and, well frankly, my lack of answers in perspective. 


"God won't always show you the future, but he will certainly show you today."


I have doubts. I have worries. And I have fears. But at the same time I have a hope, a dream, and a drive that is bigger than my doubts, worries, and fears combined. (Except for my fear of spiders... honestly there is no hope for that one.) There will be more days where I'm in a funk, but there will be days where I feel the certainty and the solidity of following God's will. The rain will come and it may last, but it can't last forever. The sun will have to shine. First off because God promised he would never flood the Earth again, and secondly because even the skies run out of tears. I look toward the future with great anticipation. Not because I know what's going to happen, but because of the mystery that's been hidden will finally be revealed. 


Live Today.

Triumphs and Trials

Of all the posts I have ever written, this one will be the one that hurts me the most. After months of waiting, I have found out that I did not get accepted into Nursing School. Looking back, I switched from applying for fall to applying for spring then back to fall again. And well, it looks like Spring 2012 is when I'll be joining the boat of Nursing. There are things at work here that I do not understand and things that are bigger than my original plan.


Talking with family and friends about this has been a great consolation and a great comfort. But the one thing that is still there? That feeling of, "Well this just stinks". I still believe I am meant to be a nurse and that I am being delayed for some reason. My faith is bigger than this trial and if I'm meant to pursue another path then I am open and ready and willing. Thankfully I have a back up plan (See, I'm still always planning). Actually I have about three back up plans, and know that if one doesn't work I'm probably being led to the other. 


There's a verse that stands out to me now more than ever, Isaiah 55: 8-9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the Earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts." I'm living this verse right now and am trusting that since His thoughts are higher than mine that something greater is going to come of this.


Needless to say, since I will not start nursing school in the fall I will be taking some other classes that are required to obtain my Bachelor's but aren't required to get into the nursing program. Thankfully there aren't a lot of these hours so I'll be able to foster relationships and get to know a new city without having to go crazy. Plus, this means more time for one of my favorite things in the world... College Football. Go Dawgs. Go Noles. And Roll Tide. 


Live Today.

Gift of Hope

If you go and look at some of my pictures, there is something blue, shiny, and ever on my left hand in majority of these pictures. This is my favorite gift in the entire world. And my favorite back story of a gift to tell.


Christmas 2006: Earlier that winter season I spotted a blue topaz ring and immediately tried it on and fell in love with it. Got really excited and told my mom, and she said no. Well my dreams weren't too crushed because I knew that it was probably never going to happen but I still expressed my interest and love in that ring every second I could. Later, I received news that my dad was not doing too well and that he probably wouldn't last much longer. Needless to say, that put a damper on the holiday spirit. But, I knew that God had a plan and that the Christmas of 2007 would be special because it was probably the last one I would get to see my dad alive. And sadly enough January rolled around, and I was right. However, on Christmas day I was opening presents and noticed there was a tiny box towards the back that my mother wasn't giving to me. I kept eyeing it and the time FINALLY came when she let me open it. It was the blue topaz ring that I had picked out months before. That ring was so beautiful to me that whenever I looked at it, I saw the beauty of life and the beauty of hope in God.


Fall 2009: I went to a soccer game and put this treasured ring in the front pocket of my soccer bag. I put my bag down on the sidelines and went and played my game. The team goes out, does work, and we put a W on our record. I go and snatch up my bag and decide to head on home. Whenever I get home thought I realize something... My ring is no longer in my soccer bag. I immediately start a frantic search. I start calling everyone I can think of to see if they might have picked it up, I send out mass texts, I dump out my bag but the ring is nowhere to be found. I end up going my senior year without the ring that gave me hope. Without the ring that reminded me of my father and our last Christmas together.


Christmas 2010: I have spotted another beautiful blue topaz ring and know in my heart of hearts that I will not be getting another one. To make matters worse, I have found out that my great friend Marshall's battle with cancer is taking a turn for the worst and that this may be his last Christmas as well. And sadly enough, again I was right. January came around and Christmas 2010 was the last Christmas Marshall celebrated on Earth. But on Christmas Day, I noticed a little box in the back of the presents. Mom wouldn't let me open it and when the time finally came, I opened what is the most beautiful ring I have ever seen in my entire life. Tears overflowed and joy filled the room. 


My gift of hope was back. My beautiful, wonderful, amazing gift was back and even more lovely and special than ever. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wear this ring. It's my constant reminder of God's hope, love, and plan. It's a reminder that even though some things are taken away, God will always give you something even more precious and wonderful. For you are precious and wonderful to him. 


Live Today. 

A Look Forward

If I had to put a label on this weekend it would be, Too Much Fun.


Starting off, I got to ride home with a friend and we had a ton of fun on the ride home and the way back. I mean, we laughed, sang, and talked about literally everything. It was such a great thing to be able to not be afraid to be open and laugh.


Moving to the weekend, my friend and I roll into town and go get a late supper at Waffle House and my future intern counterpart, Parker Wayne joins us. We find out that the prank wars have already begun. I mean, these things are in full swing. After supper I look at my phone and realize that I have a voicemail from my youth minister saying that I probably had part of the prank that had happened to his truck. And while I'm somehow informed of pranks that happen on these weekends I honestly had nothing to do with that one. However, I don't think my excuse of being on the road home was completely believed. 


The next day I got up, lead some recreation for the DNow, and got to catch up with my sister/mentor Lindsey. Not only did I get some awesome time with her, but I also got to spend a lot of time with Parker. (Rearranging the office, planning future activities, and the usual joking around) We may or may not get a lot of work done this summer. However, this was my glimpse into the summer, and my glimpse made me super super excited. 


Last summer, I had the amazing blessing and opportunity of being able to work as a CentriKid staffer and see camp from that vantage point. Well, after this summer I will have seen camp from almost every outlook available. I've been a camper, a staffer, and this summer I will have the amazing opportunity be a group leader. Which means I'll be taking the kids to camp, advising them, and allowing them to be led by some amazing staffers. 


But in the midst of all this excitement, there's a ton of anxiety. I will be leading, forming relationships, and witnessing to these kids for the entire summer. Which is a LOT more than my one week I got last summer. There's a lot of paperwork, small details, bible studies to write, relationships to form, and just general work to be done and all of that combined together can add up extremely quickly. Needless to say, I feel a bit overwhelmed. 


 My honest hope for this summer is to show not just the kids but the parents as well God's love, faithfulness, and provision. I pray constantly that God will allow me to have a lasting impact and to be a vessel of showing him to everyone I interact with this summer. But just like I said, I want more than a summer memory for these kids, I want a lasting impact. There's so much to show them and so much for them to discover. Let's just say, everyone should be prepared for the soon forthcoming "Intern Chronicles: Stories and Insight from a Children's MInistry Intern".


I had my look forward to the summer this weekend, and it's going to be one crazy ride.


Live Today.

Withholding The Answer

It seems like in life there is never any end to waiting. Sometimes we are waiting in line, sometimes we are waiting for others, sometimes we are waiting on God, and sometimes we are even waiting on ourselves. But one thing is certain. In this life, you will be waiting.


Recently I've applied to be in the nursing program at Kennesaw State University here in Georgia and I'm having to wait ANXIOUSLY on the letter letting me know if I have been admitted or denied. I've checked the mailbox every single day, almost to the point where the post man and I are on a first name basis. I mean this guy is starting to shoot me strange glances because I try to be there whenever he puts the mail in our box. But as I have come to realize there is something that I can't control. It is the people that put the letter in the mail box. 


As some of you know I've been praying about more things than nursing school here lately and I'm in fact still waiting on the answer to those prayers even though it feels like they should already have been answered by now. But just like I can't control the people that are going to put my nursing school letter in the mail, I can't control God and his will for my life. Now don't get me wrong, we all have free will to make decisions and it's not like we are forced to go the path that is made for us, but as I have also found out the path without God on it isn't one that I want to be walking. Sometimes we think that if we ask God he will just automatically give us an answer, even if it's not the one we want to hear. But what if your answer is to wait? There are verses in the bible where it talks about waiting on the Lord and not just waiting with an anxious heart but waiting with a glad heart. 


Outside of patience (which I am still working on) learning how to wait with a glad heart is the hardest thing I've ever encountered. I mean, I don't know about you, but saying, "I'm, uh, just going to wait here with a genuine smile in my heart" isn't necessarily the easiest thing to say. I know that my answer on nursing school and these other matters will come. I also know that I may not like my answer, but it's the time in between the application and the answer that does not sit well with me. There have been times recently that I have sat in my car and just prayed with a broken heart, I do not demand an answer but I ask for the reasons of what seems to me a tormentous period of waiting. I plead and beg for an answer and yet I still have not gotten one. Yet, before I completely go crazy I remember a verse,


"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with Thanksgiving let all your requests be made known to God." Philippians 4:6


Oh yeah, that Thanksgiving part. It's easy sometimes to forget that this isn't the first blessing that God has given so it's okay to wait for another. He still wants to hear your hurts and requests and pains, after all he is your father. But be sure to remember that Thanksgiving word before you turn it in to a "Why is this happening to me?" situation. God does nothing to harm you. He never has and he never will. Even the waiting is not harming you, although it may at some times feel like it is. 


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