I Beat The Mirror

Well, the weekend has begun and I am finally on the mend from reconstruction surgery. This was a decision made with many many prayers and just as many tears from all parties involved in this decision.

There are few harder things that I've had to do than weigh the pros and cons of this surgery. Many things in my life have been hard but most of those hard things were decisions that I didn't have to make. So many things in our lives are out of our control, but this was fully under my control. Trying to decide whether or not I wanted this because I genuinely wanted it or becuase I wanted it because I didn't like what I looked like in the mirror. Doing this surgery becuase I hated what I saw in the mirror quickly became the wrong reason to have the surgery.

One of the most valuable lessons I learned was that if you don't love yourself, a cosmetic fix will not change your mind set. It could help for a bit, but then something else would pop up. "I don't like my breasts." I get them changed. "I don't like my face." I could get that changed too. But it finally came down to knowing I had to love my body for exactly what it was. Uneven, a little imperct, and yet still miraculously beautiful. 

I wrote down things I didn't like and started to see how miniscule those flaws were. And how I had some pretty awesome stories behind scars, dents, and webbed toes. This started a complete change. I began to see how small these flaws were and became someone who loved and embraced her flaws. I love my webbed toes. I got them from my Dad and I know that while I have to sacrifice toe socks, at least there's a valid reason behind it. The dent in my nose from flipping a desk on my face when I was five reminds me that I don't always have the best ideas...no matter how fun they seem.

This surgery is giving me back something that was involuntarily removed. While I came to love my defects and slight deformities, this surgery is truly a step in becoming the beautiful woman I feel like I am. Walking with confidence and knowing that I loved myself before this surgery makes it all the easier to celebrate how I feel post-surgery.

Love yourself.

Live today.

Steps and Moments

Finally. My official next to last day of school. For some people that just seems like a lot of words. However, for me it truly means the beginning of my last year of college. I'm ecstatic to say the least but that's not all this year holds for me. 

Immediately in the start of the new year, there were a multitude of my friends engaged and taking the next step. No, I'm not writing to say I'm jealous. In fact, this isn't even the main topic of this post but I felt the need to congratulate my many friends that are engaged and taking a HUGE next step in their lives. I cannot WAIT to see beautiful marriages unfold!

Now to the real reason for this post. I am truly and genuinely thankful. Thankful for where I am in life, thankful for who surrounds me, and thankful for the many opportunities that have come with taking "the next step".

So I want to summarize some of my "next steps":

1. As many of you know I started dating an awesome guy and we celebrated one year together in 2013. For us, a long distance relationship has not been easy but who says things worth having are easy? Our relationship has brought out a side of me that I love, he celebrates me being goofy and also being poised. (On the rare occasion). He helped me take a next step in loving myself for who I truly am and simply being honest with myself.

2. In 2013, I found a mass in my right breast. I ignored it and prayed for it to go away. It didn't. I didn't want to acknowledge that it was there and I also wanted to ignore the fact that the mass was growing. Rapidly. My family helped me take my next step in embracing imperfections that would help me lead others in embracing their own flaws. This mass helped humble me and see that my life is bigger than my desires. It also lead to number 3...

3. I went to Miss Georgia in 2010 and then swore off pageants forever. I told everyone I was done and that I would move on with my life. Then 2011 came around and I tried again, and I failed. I really thought I was done until I found my lump. After hearing the words, 'You have to have surgery, there is no option.' I knew that I had a message. And the best way to spread that message for me was Miss America Organization. A few weeks before my surgery I told my boyfriend and family that I was going to try again, with a platform that was fueled by passion. That lead to whole new lifestyle and a whole new way of thinking. And for a sweet moment, the passion led to success.

Needless to say these are only a few of the steps that were taken in 2013. However, 2013 has passed and time marches forward. Hopefully there are many days left before me and I want to remember where I came from to know where I'm going. The days that I have been given are so precious. The time I spend with others counts so much. 

I don't have any poetic words about how precious time is because I think we all know the drill. In fact, I don't realize how special moments are until they are almost gone. 

So to the special moments; make them count. 
To the bad moments; let them go. 
To the great moments; tuck them away.
To the little moments; hold them close.

Live Today.