A Wandering Wonderer

Admit it. Somedays are better than others. There are some days that you feel like you could conquer the world, and then there are other days where you just feel like you want to stay in bed all day and just not do one single productive thing. Well, luckily enough for me, today was neither of those days. I've been in a funk. (BJ, hope you don't mind that I'm using your word.) Honestly there is nothing to describe it but that. I feel like God's path for me has become completely over-grown with bushes and stuff that is just either getting in the way or covering it up. 


There are so many things to distract a person. Ranging from Netflix to even your own thoughts. I'm not saying I know how to solve that or to even begin how to fix it because I myself am still trying to figure out how to get the distractions out of my life. However, one thing that I know for certain is that I feel like a wandering wonderer. I want to know what is going to happen in my life. I want to know if I'm going to even be a nurse. I want to know if there's anyone out there for me. I want to know why things happen. And yet at the same time I'm trying to figure all this out while trying to keep my eyes on the path that God has for me. And I don't know about you but I have semi-weird vision and sometimes only possess the attention span of a fish so distracting myself from the path isn't the smartest thing to do. 


This weekend however, I heard something that really put all my questions and, well frankly, my lack of answers in perspective. 


"God won't always show you the future, but he will certainly show you today."


I have doubts. I have worries. And I have fears. But at the same time I have a hope, a dream, and a drive that is bigger than my doubts, worries, and fears combined. (Except for my fear of spiders... honestly there is no hope for that one.) There will be more days where I'm in a funk, but there will be days where I feel the certainty and the solidity of following God's will. The rain will come and it may last, but it can't last forever. The sun will have to shine. First off because God promised he would never flood the Earth again, and secondly because even the skies run out of tears. I look toward the future with great anticipation. Not because I know what's going to happen, but because of the mystery that's been hidden will finally be revealed. 


Live Today.

Triumphs and Trials

Of all the posts I have ever written, this one will be the one that hurts me the most. After months of waiting, I have found out that I did not get accepted into Nursing School. Looking back, I switched from applying for fall to applying for spring then back to fall again. And well, it looks like Spring 2012 is when I'll be joining the boat of Nursing. There are things at work here that I do not understand and things that are bigger than my original plan.


Talking with family and friends about this has been a great consolation and a great comfort. But the one thing that is still there? That feeling of, "Well this just stinks". I still believe I am meant to be a nurse and that I am being delayed for some reason. My faith is bigger than this trial and if I'm meant to pursue another path then I am open and ready and willing. Thankfully I have a back up plan (See, I'm still always planning). Actually I have about three back up plans, and know that if one doesn't work I'm probably being led to the other. 


There's a verse that stands out to me now more than ever, Isaiah 55: 8-9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the Earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts." I'm living this verse right now and am trusting that since His thoughts are higher than mine that something greater is going to come of this.


Needless to say, since I will not start nursing school in the fall I will be taking some other classes that are required to obtain my Bachelor's but aren't required to get into the nursing program. Thankfully there aren't a lot of these hours so I'll be able to foster relationships and get to know a new city without having to go crazy. Plus, this means more time for one of my favorite things in the world... College Football. Go Dawgs. Go Noles. And Roll Tide. 


Live Today.

Gift of Hope

If you go and look at some of my pictures, there is something blue, shiny, and ever on my left hand in majority of these pictures. This is my favorite gift in the entire world. And my favorite back story of a gift to tell.


Christmas 2006: Earlier that winter season I spotted a blue topaz ring and immediately tried it on and fell in love with it. Got really excited and told my mom, and she said no. Well my dreams weren't too crushed because I knew that it was probably never going to happen but I still expressed my interest and love in that ring every second I could. Later, I received news that my dad was not doing too well and that he probably wouldn't last much longer. Needless to say, that put a damper on the holiday spirit. But, I knew that God had a plan and that the Christmas of 2007 would be special because it was probably the last one I would get to see my dad alive. And sadly enough January rolled around, and I was right. However, on Christmas day I was opening presents and noticed there was a tiny box towards the back that my mother wasn't giving to me. I kept eyeing it and the time FINALLY came when she let me open it. It was the blue topaz ring that I had picked out months before. That ring was so beautiful to me that whenever I looked at it, I saw the beauty of life and the beauty of hope in God.


Fall 2009: I went to a soccer game and put this treasured ring in the front pocket of my soccer bag. I put my bag down on the sidelines and went and played my game. The team goes out, does work, and we put a W on our record. I go and snatch up my bag and decide to head on home. Whenever I get home thought I realize something... My ring is no longer in my soccer bag. I immediately start a frantic search. I start calling everyone I can think of to see if they might have picked it up, I send out mass texts, I dump out my bag but the ring is nowhere to be found. I end up going my senior year without the ring that gave me hope. Without the ring that reminded me of my father and our last Christmas together.


Christmas 2010: I have spotted another beautiful blue topaz ring and know in my heart of hearts that I will not be getting another one. To make matters worse, I have found out that my great friend Marshall's battle with cancer is taking a turn for the worst and that this may be his last Christmas as well. And sadly enough, again I was right. January came around and Christmas 2010 was the last Christmas Marshall celebrated on Earth. But on Christmas Day, I noticed a little box in the back of the presents. Mom wouldn't let me open it and when the time finally came, I opened what is the most beautiful ring I have ever seen in my entire life. Tears overflowed and joy filled the room. 


My gift of hope was back. My beautiful, wonderful, amazing gift was back and even more lovely and special than ever. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wear this ring. It's my constant reminder of God's hope, love, and plan. It's a reminder that even though some things are taken away, God will always give you something even more precious and wonderful. For you are precious and wonderful to him. 


Live Today. 

A Look Forward

If I had to put a label on this weekend it would be, Too Much Fun.


Starting off, I got to ride home with a friend and we had a ton of fun on the ride home and the way back. I mean, we laughed, sang, and talked about literally everything. It was such a great thing to be able to not be afraid to be open and laugh.


Moving to the weekend, my friend and I roll into town and go get a late supper at Waffle House and my future intern counterpart, Parker Wayne joins us. We find out that the prank wars have already begun. I mean, these things are in full swing. After supper I look at my phone and realize that I have a voicemail from my youth minister saying that I probably had part of the prank that had happened to his truck. And while I'm somehow informed of pranks that happen on these weekends I honestly had nothing to do with that one. However, I don't think my excuse of being on the road home was completely believed. 


The next day I got up, lead some recreation for the DNow, and got to catch up with my sister/mentor Lindsey. Not only did I get some awesome time with her, but I also got to spend a lot of time with Parker. (Rearranging the office, planning future activities, and the usual joking around) We may or may not get a lot of work done this summer. However, this was my glimpse into the summer, and my glimpse made me super super excited. 


Last summer, I had the amazing blessing and opportunity of being able to work as a CentriKid staffer and see camp from that vantage point. Well, after this summer I will have seen camp from almost every outlook available. I've been a camper, a staffer, and this summer I will have the amazing opportunity be a group leader. Which means I'll be taking the kids to camp, advising them, and allowing them to be led by some amazing staffers. 


But in the midst of all this excitement, there's a ton of anxiety. I will be leading, forming relationships, and witnessing to these kids for the entire summer. Which is a LOT more than my one week I got last summer. There's a lot of paperwork, small details, bible studies to write, relationships to form, and just general work to be done and all of that combined together can add up extremely quickly. Needless to say, I feel a bit overwhelmed. 


 My honest hope for this summer is to show not just the kids but the parents as well God's love, faithfulness, and provision. I pray constantly that God will allow me to have a lasting impact and to be a vessel of showing him to everyone I interact with this summer. But just like I said, I want more than a summer memory for these kids, I want a lasting impact. There's so much to show them and so much for them to discover. Let's just say, everyone should be prepared for the soon forthcoming "Intern Chronicles: Stories and Insight from a Children's MInistry Intern".


I had my look forward to the summer this weekend, and it's going to be one crazy ride.


Live Today.