Dream As Big As Dreams Can Be

First off, I feel like my last post needs some clarification. While I maintain that being a single upperclassman is hard, I am in NO RUSH to find someone, settle down, and do all that. I am still trying to get my feet under me here in the Greater Atlanta Area and I'm not exactly looking to go "girlfriending" anytime soon. That is, or at least I feel it is, still a long way down the road. I am very much satisfied with where I am at in life.


NEXT, the nursing school issue. Well, I got my answer. And it was a maybe. I was placed on the 2013 standby list but after talking with the advisor, my odds are slim to get in. I am not going to say that it was easy to hear those words. Or to sign a "Standby Contract". But the contract has been signed and the word has been given. Now where do I go from here? The plan, for the first time in my life, is genuinely wide open. There is not even a set back up plan that I have. And while I feel like I am wandering without any direction, I know that I am seeking direction continually and that whenever I am told where to go I will pursue that with my whole heart. Sometimes, we just get God's plan wrong.

Which means I'm honestly able to dream as big as a child in Kindergarten when you ask them what they want to be when they grow up. I've thought a lot about being a pharmacist, a physician's assistant, an optometrist, and even a doctor. I just know that my passion in life is to help kids get better and know that they are loved and cared for by at least one person in this world. I might not even stay in the science arena. I am no longer limited in my job selection and honestly that is a strange feeling.

I was talking to my sister a couple nights ago after I told her I just didn't feel very right and she brought to light so many things that are applicable but one seems to be a recurring theme throughout my talks with people after I found out my school news. "Maybe God is just holding you in his arms saying, "Taylor, just rest and let me hold you just a little bit longer. As soon as I let you go, you might not rest for a long long time." My "adopted" Mom in Jesup told me "Selah-- Be still and know that He is God." My mom in Suwanee told me "His ways are not our own. Wait for his way and go for it." And since God has slammed the breaks (again) I am waiting. My best friend told me "TayVo, Galatians 5, "Never get tired of doing good." Things may seem to all be falling down on you at once but hey, he's got it."

My mom and I got to talk and I told her it feels like this is watching Andy die all over again, I feel like this is my "no getting better" but then I think about how much better Andy really is. Our "no getting better" on Earth limited him and even my dreams to our own selfish desires. Maybe my "no getting better" and letting my dreams die will allow me to come in contact with one that's better than I can ever imagine. So as I figure out whether this is the death of a dream or just a complication I will "Be still" and dream.

"Dream a dream as big as a dream could ever be. Then dream a dream ten times as big as that one dream you see. Cause you're the one whose dreams can be whatever dreams you want. Whose dreams can change the way things are and the way that things are not. If they say that all you dreams are too big to come true, you tell them that I told you, "That's what dreams are MEANT to do!"

I might be Taylor Voyles, MD. And I'm okay with dreaming that.

Live Today.

Rush Hour

"Just because things don't work out according to the way of Taylor doesn't mean they won't work out according to the way of the Lord." 

This morning after making about what felt like 300 Pros/Cons list with my little sister, I got slammed with this truth. I've been going through the phase of being ready and able to being exhausted from waiting to finally having to get slapped in the face with words like that to wait with contentment and a ready, but not rushing, heart. 

A TON of my struggles come from either me trying to control too much or simply letting go and not trying to control anything at all. I understand people say "Let go and let God" and while this is true to some extent I don't believe this gives us the ability to the free pass to not control our own actions or at least try to contribute positively to a situation. Could I control how my interviewers viewed me for my nursing school interview? No.
Could I control how I gave my answer and the attitude that I portrayed in the interview? Yes.

I am still waiting for my nursing school letter indicating denial or acceptance but while I'm here I know that I can control more than my attitude, I can get a grip on my thoughts. The mind has the ability to affect literally every aspect of your life and if you don't reign it in how in the world do you expect to keep your attitude and your tongue in check? 

So often I have let negative thoughts come in and ruin my waiting process. And not just the waiting process for nursing school but for so many other "life" things as well. I've talked with a lot of my very good friends about this and the answer has always been "Taylor, just wait, just wait." The answer gets old and you get calloused to hearing it. 

The pressure causes people to go into overdrive. And without people to keep them in check there is nothing stopping them from rushing into something they may not be ready for just yet. It's easy to rush in a world that seems to think faster is better, but in some parts of life it's just good to take it slow. My friends and family have kept my thoughts and heart in check numerous times with so many various issues. I'm not in any rush to try and bend the will and the timing of my God to what I think it should be. If you're rushing with the rest of the world you're either going to crash or hit some serious traffic ... and ain't nobody got time for that.

Live today.