The Final Days

The final days of pageant preparation are upon me. My wardrobe is finalized, my tan is on, and I'm practicing my make up. (Those of you who know me know this is a tiny miracle in itself.) All of my summer classes are finished and so I finally have time to read, decompress, and focus on competing. Now therein presents the problem. I recently wrote that I am competitive. My competitiveness really shows its face when I have time to analyze my actions before hand and consider how to make myself the most pleasing thing to the judges. Those thoughts right there sent off a red light in my head. I can only be myself. I want to be my best self, but nonetheless changing my personality to attempt to fit the situation will not help me present myself. I don't want to present someone else's vision of me. I want to show who I have become through trials and celebrations. 

One of my wonderful friends sent me some encouragement after I told her that I am truly trying to not fall into my analyzing and staying composed. 

"You will be (composed and ready). Let God keep you hear still!" 

God has kept me thru so much more than pageants and he will definitely keep me thru this. I feel no pressure. I was once told that pressure doesn't come from God. I really believe this is true. "For God is a not a God of disorder but a God of peace." 1 Corinthians 14:33. (Shout out to CentriKid 2011 for that verse!) I feel organized. Ready to go. And a lot of peace. I also hope to keep it this way. I know my direction and I know what I want to go out and do. I pray for God's will but more importantly his peace.

Four more days!

Live Today.

Back In The Game?

On a completely unrelated note, this is my 60th post! I've written more than a paragraph 60 times... this is an accomplishment.

Two weeks until the internship is done. Two weeks until Miss Cobb County. One week until my final in my summer classes. One year to graduation. Forever until I get there.

That is a small timeline of what my life will look like for the next year. I am so overwhelmed and yet so excited at the same time. God has opened so many doors for me this year and this summer that it's been hard to keep my head on straight because I'm looking so many different directions. 

Before my surgery I began to develop feelings of inadequacy, fear, embarrassment, and doubt. I was a big bundle of emotions that was walking around ready to talk about anything else than ultrasounds, mammograms, biopsies, and needles. Thankfully, my wonderful family and boyfriend encouraged me to look past the thought of "I just don't want to do this anymore" to "I want to make sure other people don't have to do this". One day, I decided with finality that I was going to take this message past my family and past my hometown and turn it into something that everyone can hear. After trying to come up with a way to get my vision started, I KNEW that pageants were far and above the best way to get people talking. I have a ten minute interview with judges asking about my cause, I get an onstage question, if a crown is awarded to me I get a YEAR of going and promoting my message to girls all over Georgia. If I am given the opportunity to be Miss Georgia I will get a chance to take my platform to the national level, if I win MIss America I get to travel the COUNTRY and talk to people who I would never have the chance to meet about my platform and encourage them. I know I'm dreaming big but at the same time, all things start with a vision. 

God has blessed me with an incredible team of people to come through for me. Whether it is donating to Children's Miracle Network, reading my platform statement and resume, whipping up a dress to help me look and feel like Kate Middleton, interview prep, and a listening ear. Most importantly, God has given me a new perspective. I no longer depend on these judges to tell me my worth, I depend on God alone and ask for his will and guidance. Don't get me wrong, I definitely want to win (I am only slightly competitive) but winning is no longer everything. Stepping back, realizing, and truly believing this is something that has taken a few years but I believe I have gotten there. I pray to stay with this perspective and not let my competitive side take over.

I am back in the game and there are 17 days until I'm up at bat. So much to enjoy, and so little time.


Live Today.