Well, the weekend has begun and I am finally on the mend from reconstruction surgery. This was a decision made with many many prayers and just as many tears from all parties involved in this decision.
There are few harder things that I've had to do than weigh the pros and cons of this surgery. Many things in my life have been hard but most of those hard things were decisions that I didn't have to make. So many things in our lives are out of our control, but this was fully under my control. Trying to decide whether or not I wanted this because I genuinely wanted it or becuase I wanted it because I didn't like what I looked like in the mirror. Doing this surgery becuase I hated what I saw in the mirror quickly became the wrong reason to have the surgery.
One of the most valuable lessons I learned was that if you don't love yourself, a cosmetic fix will not change your mind set. It could help for a bit, but then something else would pop up. "I don't like my breasts." I get them changed. "I don't like my face." I could get that changed too. But it finally came down to knowing I had to love my body for exactly what it was. Uneven, a little imperct, and yet still miraculously beautiful.
I wrote down things I didn't like and started to see how miniscule those flaws were. And how I had some pretty awesome stories behind scars, dents, and webbed toes. This started a complete change. I began to see how small these flaws were and became someone who loved and embraced her flaws. I love my webbed toes. I got them from my Dad and I know that while I have to sacrifice toe socks, at least there's a valid reason behind it. The dent in my nose from flipping a desk on my face when I was five reminds me that I don't always have the best ideas...no matter how fun they seem.
This surgery is giving me back something that was involuntarily removed. While I came to love my defects and slight deformities, this surgery is truly a step in becoming the beautiful woman I feel like I am. Walking with confidence and knowing that I loved myself before this surgery makes it all the easier to celebrate how I feel post-surgery.
Love yourself.
Live today.
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