God and Benny

I've seen my share of heartache throughout this life and I know there is more to come. One of the hardest losses I've gone thru is losing my father. He had a brain disease that took away his life, spirit, and body yet he knew that he was going up to heaven to be with my brother and the people he loved and more importantly a permanent and gracious God.


There are some nights where I wonder if my dad would be proud of the lady I'm morphing into and hoping to become. He always called me his "Little Star" and I can only hope that I am shining as brightly now as he saw me then. I was definitely (and still am) my Daddy's Little Girl. One of the fondest memories I have is when he taught me how to whistle and whenever I FINALLY got the hang of it he gave me one great big hug and we began whistling all sorts of things together. Every time I whistle I can hear him harmonizing and going along with me. (He somehow managed to be as loud as a train whenever he whistled.) However, my daddy taught me much more than whistling. That man loved everything he came in contact with. (Except for the rather unfortunate incident involving a mouse, a kitchen, and a squealing little girl... oops.) And I take hold of that and try to spread the love wherever I go. 


I struggled coming up to college and knowing that I wasn't going to have a Daddy to call and talk to on the way to class or my many Athenian navigation disasters. But I discovered that I actually DID have a Daddy to do all that with. He just didn't go by the name of Benny. His name is God. That man will listen to me rant, rave, cry, laugh, sing, shout, and whatever else I want to do without even thinking "Oh goodness, here she goes again." 


Don't get me wrong, I still speak to Benny. Just in a rather unconventional way. The greatest thing my daddy taught me, besides whistling and loving of course, was to look at the stars and appreciate the beauty that was up there. I believe that some of the greatest conversations come from watching the stars because you're forced to think outside of your own world and consider a much much larger and ever expanding picture with billions of other people. Whenever I start really missing that man, encounter a super stressful day, or just feel like updating him on my life in general, I just wait until the end of the day, when the sun has gone to bed and the moon has come out and find the biggest and brightest star and say "Hey Daddy, it's your little girl." I tell him whatever comes to my mind and what is weighing on my heart. The sweet deal of it all is that I get the ears and hearts of two men that love me. God and Benny. 


I have lost my earthly father, but have gained the best daddy a girl could ask for. I have never seen him, but I know he's always there. I have never physically been held by him, but his arms have comforted me. 


So hats off to the greatest men girls could ask for... their Dads.


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