Affairs of the Heart

One of my most earnest prayers lately has been for God to guard my heart. And for me to understand what that means. Not only has God kept watch over it, he has put it away for someone only worthy of it chosen by the big man himself. That doesn't stop your heart from aching. It doesn't stop your heart from feeling. It only keeps your heart strong whenever an ache does come along. You no longer feel like your world comes crashing down whenever things don't work out with that guy/girl like you had hoped. But whenever you have your heart guarded that doesn't mean you become cold and distant from people. I've actually found that to be quite the contrary.


Earlier this summer I went through a rough break up. Rough on me and rough on the guy. My heart was damaged. I was hurting. The people closest to me knew this and listening to their advice did help, but that didn't stop it from hurting. I immediately started praying that God would keep my heart in his hands. Heal it. Mold it. Make it shine. And in that I found that with God having the human side of my heart, I have a yearning to find God's heart to replace what I had given him. God doesn't call us to keep our hearts to ourselves. In fact we're supposed to sacrifice them for him and to him. And then we're supposed to share that peace/joy/love with everyone, even if it is just a simple hello or genuine smile to someone that we usually don't talk to or see. He promises to take care of us no matter what and who am I to argue with that?


In that I have been more open with people. More loving towards others and myself. I used to keep quiet and to myself at work but over this semester I've talked to the people I work with and for and I can honestly say that it's been a completely eye opening experience to who I work with and what they've faced, what they enjoy, what they like outside of the office walls. I have made friends in my classes. Last year I was actually terrified of even speaking to other people. This year, it's actually completely different. I know the people around me, what's going on in their lives and I love it! I love the new me. I love who God is shaping me to be. I have a prayer that I pray every morning whenever I wake up.


"God thank you for another day. Love me, lead me, guide me, guard me, keep me."


In that prayer is everything I could ever want from God. I couldn't survive without his love. I would have no direction if he didn't lead me. While he is leading me I need him to show me the way not just forge the path. This whole post is about his guarding my heart so of course I want that. I want to be in his hands held firm thru the storms and the aches. I know I have to go thru them, but I certainly don't want to face them without protection from the man that knows why everything happens. 


Live Today.   

Shake a Hand

7 December. "A day that will live in infamy." Those words still ring true and the date 7 December still stirs feelings of national unity and gratitude towards those who are serving, yet why do we need specific days to remind us of the people that are serving us in the most humble way possible, a way that we probably won't ever get to witness or experience? This questions puzzles me exceedingly.


This Thanksgiving, I had the pleasure of spending a wonderful day with family that fixed some fabulous food. I mean that stuff was GREAT. But I also had the pleasure of hanging with an amazing soldier. He's serving right now, and got a short vacation to come back and visit his beautiful and wonderful wife (my cousin, D) and just have some down time. Seeing him with her and how happy they are together made my heart just overflow with happiness for them. He makes her smile and laugh and just all around the most joyful person. And that's what true love is all about. 


However this amazing soldier not only makes my cousin happy, he serves his country. No matter what sacrifices he has to make. He and D have picked up and moved twice in the short time that they've been married and the most recent move has taken them overseas. While on a base overseas, he learns that he has to go back to the war for another tour. I can't even imagine what is going through his mind whenever he learns that he has to leave his new wife and go back into a war-zone. However, no matter what is going through his mind he goes. D comes back to the US for a little bit and I can guarantee you that we've loved having her back, but seeing her and him together over Thanksgiving made me smile and at the same time broke my heart. Only a few short days after Thanksgiving he was going to have to leave again and they would wait many more months before they get to see each other again. This is a picture captured right before he headed off.


This is the epitome of servitude and strength. It takes an extremely strong person to leave comfort and go into a place literally outside of their comfort zone. I can think of nothing more heartwarming to me than watching soldiers run off a plane to be greeted by the ones who miss them and love them. This summer as I was waiting for my luggage in an airport around 11:30 pm a plane full of soldiers landed and as the passengers got off the entire airport just stopped and a roar of applause rang out over the entire airport. I get teary eyed simply thinking about the soldiers I saw run from the gate to someone with outstretched arms. I even saw a few of them crying. 


Think about the way a simple thank you brightens your world. Even if it is from someone you don't even really know. The fact that they've taken time out of their day to acknowledge your work is a great feeling. That being said, shake a soldiers hand.(They deserve much more than a handshake, but it might be awkward if you just ran up and straight hugged them.) Tell them thank you for serving. These men and women are the strongest people in the world that would never tell you what they've gone thru for people they will never meet.


So, a huge thank you to men and women and my own family that are serving. (He may have married in, but he's considered full family.) You are thought of, you are prayed for, and you are appreciated. 

Live Today.

The Time Has Come

Those of you Marvin K. Mooney fans out there might have picked up on that reference, but let's be honest the chances of anyone knowing who Marvin K. Mooney is are quite slim. Yet, sad enough as it is to admit, the time has come. The time has come for me to finish the book of Romans. Honestly, leaving this book is like leaving a family member. I know they're always going to be there but I've read from them, learned from them, and memorized their words for so long now my heart is truly saddened that it's time for me to delve into another book. 


Looking back through all of my journal entries about this wonderful book a few common themes keep screaming at me. 


1. Die to live. I honestly cannot tell you how many times I've heard this phrase inside the church, while working at camp, listening to a pastor's sermon, or even hearing it from myself. But there comes a point when it has to be more than heard, it has to be lived. All throughout Romans Paul talks about how Jesus dies for us to receive salvation. He died for the Gentiles, not just the Jews. Over and over again Paul talks about how when we come to know Jesus we have died to our sin and are now living in and for Christ. Romans 6:1-14, how can we who died to sin still live in it? We have died to our sin and should walk in the newness of life. We are not called to be zombies walking in death, we are called to be warriors for our God alive in his love, mercy, and grace. "For sin will have no dominion over you since you aren't under the lawm but under grace." I can't make it any more clear.


2. Not thru works. God really knew what he was doing with this one. Here again, Paul constantly talks about how thru faith we are saved and not thru works. One of my favorites is in Romans 4:13-25 Paul discusses that salvation was given Abraham because of faith. Romans 5, a classic chapter, talks about how we are justified thru faith. Romans 9:16, "So then it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God who has mercy."


Not only have these themes screamed out at me, but something else has screamed at me as well.(And I'm not just talking about my handwriting.) I have gone from loving the Lord to being IN LOVE with the Lord. My prayers and journal entries go from being distant narratives to literally containing every single thought and detail of my life. I can't get enough of him. He has captivated my heart and simply bewitched me in his mercy, grace, and goodness. I know that God will continue to bless me and that simple thought overwhelms my soul.I want to do everything in my power to please him and make him smile. The adventures that he has led me on and will lead me to and thru excite me more than my heart can imagine. Reading back through my journal I smile because a problem that seemed so large then fell into place and makes me really have hope for the future. 


I talk now like I haven't endured a hardship this entire semester. But, that would be lying. My own mother can testify to how many times I've called her upset (even sometimes at 11:30 on a Thursday night) saying that I just don't understand why something is happening. I've recently found out that a great friend of mine has a very aggressive type of cancer and another amazing family friend will be going thru chemo very soon. I have had go thru a serious heart break. I've watched friends struggle. My grandfather has fallen. I've had to write a eulogy for a dear friend. I'm about to go thru another Christmas without my brother or father. I have endured struggles. I have shed tears. I have panicked. I have stressed. But thru it all I have found someone that has always been by my side wherever and whatever life has taken me through.


My time in Romans is coming to an end, but my love with God feels like it's just beginning. And while I'm living out Marvin K. Mooney's exit with Romans, the time has come for me to say, "Hello future, what do you have for me?" 


God's Will will never send you to where His grace will not cover you.


Live Today.

Perfect Timing

I've talked about my camp experiences many many times now. And probably will talk more about them as this blog continues to be written, but right now I want to look at a specific relationship that I got out of working with an amazing team. 

In 2003, I lost my brother, Andy, to complications from a car accident. I will never forget the sound of Mrs. Grove's voice over the intercom saying, "We need Miss Voyles to come to Mrs. Grove's office." And of course the entire classroom did the typical "OOOHHHHH" and I didn't think anything of it simply because I knew I hadn't done anything wrong (that day) and would sometimes get called to different offices to run errands during the school day. However that February afternoon was an exception. She asked me to sit down and told me that Andy had been in a car accident and that he was talking but they were going to move him to Savannah and I was getting checked out to go see him. I got to Wayne Memorial and got in the back of the ambulance and he told me words that remain to this day just between us. That was one of the last times he talked to me. He coded a few weeks later yet came out okay, and then only a few days after that he coded again and didn't fare so well after that one. He was brain dead. My brother who was the soccer star and jokester of anywhere he went would never play soccer again nor would he pull another prank. He passed away February 28 and my world was never the same. 

Along the way I acquired best friends that were like brothers to me. And I love them dearly. However my heart was shut off from ever wanting a truly older brother because of the pain that I had already gone through with one. My heart was shut off... until this summer came around. The first day of training I got to meet my team and knew that the summer was going to be a LOT of fun, but we were all anxious to meet the band. They were added later in the game because our guitarist was transferred to another team and they would be coming in late that first night of training so we would all meet them the next day. Well, we woke up the next morning and all of the sudden there were four more members of the team. I knew pretty much off the bat that these guys were legit and that they were going to be the center of a lot of fun for the summer.

But there was one person in particular that impacted my life. We instantly hit it off and called each other best friend literally within a few days of talking with each other. We just got closer throughout training week and one night I was particularly upset and we went for a walk. We were honest with each other and gave advice as it was needed. He listened to my problems, called me out on things, and was very honest with me even when he knew it would step on my toes. That walk was probably the one that began to open my heart up to the possibility of another older brother. 

I went into that summer sure that I didn't need someone to be my older brother. I couldn't have been more wrong. My resistant heart has been changed. God gave me an older brother. Throughout the summer, I could always ask him for advice. We always had fun together and laughed way too much. I knew that he would be honest with me, even when I didn't want to hear it. Some of his famous words were, "Keep your chin up." I can't tell you guys how many COUNTLESS times I heard those words throughout the summer. They kept me smiling through the roughest counseling job ever, a break up, and just plain out bad days. He became my older brother. We called each other brother and sister, we acted like it, "fought" like it, and definitely talked to each other like it. Even when camp ended, our brother/sister bond did not. 

There's not enough room for me to go into detail on how much this guy means to me. He always knows how to make me laugh. He always knows what to say whenever I'm freaking out. He challenges me in my faith. He encourages me. He is my brother. I wasn't supposed to have that job. I was originally wait listed. The band wasn't supposed to be on our team. But they ended up there. And it couldn't have been more perfect timing. God knew that it was time for me to have an older brother and have someone that would keep me sane throughout camp and throughout life. Andy will always be my brother, and I know he's watching over me in heaven but God knew I needed someone here on Earth to make sure I would always be okay. God definitely knew what he was doing when he put CK7 together.

God took away Andy, but he sent me James. And James if you're reading this, thank you for everything you've done for me. Thank you for the laughs, real talk, encouragement and love. "Clear Eyes. Full Heart. Can't Lose." I love you, brother.

Live Today.

And Fun Was Had By All

As we all know, Thanksgiving was yesterday and Black Friday (Yes, I did go and solemnly swore I would never do it again) is today. I could write about how thankful I am for my family and how awesome they are at everything, but while I am thankful for my family I am more thankful for one facet than I am of anything else this "Thanksgiving/Christmas Season" I am thankful for their fun. 


Early Saturday morning I arose (after staying up entirely too late for an awesome time with some great friends at a Gwinett Gladiators game Friday night) and departed for my small town home of Jesup. Now Athens is roughly 3-4 hours from Jesup and the drive isn't really all that exciting, but I knew that I was going to have one spectacular time at home. As soon as I arrived I walk in on my mother making Loaded Baked Potato Soup. You can imagine how much my poor college kid mouth was salivating at simply smelling it. She made it to surprise me. If THAT isn't love I don't know what is. Later, I went over to BJ and Lindsey's (I consider them family) and the fun began. I played with Micah, Joshua, and Hannah after they woke up from their naps, talked girl talk with Lindsey, and football with BJ. It's not every day that you have the opportunity to play with 2 kids making a "Lion's Den" out of small chairs and couch cushions while the other kid is sitting on your stomach poking her hands in your mouth. To some, this may not sound like fun but to me, a girl who hadn't seen these little ones or their parents for quite some time it was one blast of a time. 


After that I headed on over to my Grandma's house. Now at Grandma's we have one team that we will always cheer for and that team is F-L-O-R-I-D-A-S-T-A-T-E! FLORIDA STATE! FLORIDA STATE! FLORIDA STATE! WOO!!! (I get chill bumps just thinking about that chant.) Here again, if you know me, you KNOW that I. Love. Football. I love everything about it. I can't really talk stats but I can talk offense, defense, special teams, coaches, and cheerleaders. (That last part is a bit irrelevant, oh well) I get my spunk while watching games from my Grandma. She starts hollering at the TV, clapping her hands, and giving the refs and players their what-to-for and that my friends is pretty much my definition of fun.


On Thanksgiving day the family came over and we all ate entirely too much and decided after lunch to play Quelf. Please take time to Google said game to appreciate the hilarity of it. Mom did a Broadway show tune dance, Chris did a hoe-down, sang with his thumbs in his mouth and became a golf announcer, Dee became Darth Vader, Parker Wayne a videographer, Aunt DD a mummy, and Caitlyn a foot whisperer. It. Was. HILARIOUS. We all were relaxed and acted so silly and everyone had a WONDERFUL time just being ourselves. 


Now my laugh is a teensy bit loud. And I love to laugh. And my family simply loves to have a jolly good time. I can go home stressed out about a class/life/test and they will always make me laugh and smile and know that everything is going to be fine. We can get together at my small home town or a big ritzy place and they are always going to be the same. Completely too loud and completely too much fun. However, with the future looking bright and life changing decisions being made there is not much more I could want rather than a completely too loud and a completely too fun family. 


Live Today.

Lucky Dawg

Now it's VERY safe to say that this week was a struggle. And to quote one of my best friends is was a "big ball of struggle." It began pretty nicely, until I realized that on Thursday I had three tests within a two hour period and then the panic set in. Honestly, I don't think I did too well on one of the tests but I know I did everything I could in order to succeed and I'll just have one heck of a challenge at final's time. In summary, Thursday just plain stunk. I mean if we were classifying days on a 1-10 (1 being the worst, 10 the best) it was about a -2. BUT, the next day was 11-11-11... and it was said to be the luckiest day in the world and God knew just how lucky I needed to be that day. 


I went into work and did the usual routine but at lunch I have to get the check signed and the person I normally go to was a bit busy that day so I decided to go find someone else. To my surprised the man I did find was from Hinesville, Georgia and that is amazingly close to home for me, so we got to figuring out people we both knew when another person walked in and joined the conversation. Somehow the subject of what major I was pursuing came up and when they found out I wanted to do nursing they told me of contacts they could put me in touch with that could give me some great insight and guidance in the field. I was SO shocked to even begin to process everything they were telling me! It wasn't even 12 o'clock and yet my luck had began to turn around. 


After work, I got to have my FIRST Gigi's Cupcake that afternoon, and let me tell you if having best a friend that introduced me to it isn't luck I don't know what is. (Alyssa, you are the bomb!) And that night I went swing dancing and let me tell you, we didn't know all the moves but the ones we learned we got down pat. It was one of the most fun nights I have had in a very very long time. After the dance some people went out to a bonfire, and coming from south Georgia if there's a bonfire remotely close I'm all about being there. We stayed out entirely too late and laughed way too much and had so much fun. Yet, the 11-11-11 luck didn't stop there.


The next morning was the 115th game of the Deep South's Oldest Rivalry. Georgia versus Auburn. You could practically feel the excitement in the air throughout the tailgate and the game. I had practically zero voice left and my hands hurt from clapping but those are merely tiny sacrifices for the huge win we had! And even after Saturday the 11-11-11 luck continued to flow.


This morning in church the sermon was "Big on Belonging." As he was speaking I kind of drifted off into my own world. I know that he was speaking about how that church was big on helping others belong but I couldn't help and realize my luck. I have the best group of friends in the world. I am lucky to have people in my life that make me laugh whenever I have a -2 day. I'm lucky to attend the greatest university in the state. I'm lucky to have a mother that loves me and is honest with me. I'm lucky to have more brothers and sisters than the Duggars. I'm lucky to know my God. I'm lucky to have a job that I absolutely love. I'm lucky to being going into a career that I desperately want. I'm lucky to have this wonderful life. 


I guess that just makes me one Lucky Dawg.


Live Today.

Driving Force

What is the motivation behind so many major ideas? Why do we sometimes do crazy things? Why do I always cheer for the Dawgs? What is the driving force behind so many things we do? One word. Passion.

I talked about recently how at Watkinsville First Baptist Pastor Carlos is doing a bit about what leaders are. Well sadly that has come to an end but one of the topics that has stuck with me is "Leaders Are Passionate." When someone is passionate about something we sometimes go so far as to say obsessed, crazy about, or even intense over whatever their heart is set on. Now since we are in church and this is in the sermon the first key phrase was "Leaders are passionate about God." But it got me thinking, would it be bad to be passionate/obsessed/crazy about/intense for God? Like I talked about earlier, why would I NOT be crazy about a man that has blessed me with things beyond measure and will still continue to bless me with things even when we mess up? Why would I not want to be obsessed with a man that after we ask for his forgiveness throws our wrongs as far as the East is from the West? 

One of the most passionate leaders in the Bible is David. We looked as Psalm 86 for the sermon and here are some of his key points. 

You could see David's Passion thru his:

1. Desire. David asked to know God's ways here. Not just God's thoughts but his ways. David wanted to know how God would react to someone hurting his feelings, someone betraying him, someone letting him down. David's desire was much more than simply getting to know God like a casual acquaintance. Think back to your best friend or maybe even one of your parents. Do you love this person? Now, I know my mom. I know her ways. I can pretty much predict what she's going to say, what tone she's going to use, and even what face she is going to make whenever she is telling me something or she finds something out. And since I know her ways I love her for who she really is. I love her for her habits, thoughts, processes, and actions. I appreciate every aspect of her and who she is. This is the love that David desired for God. A love for the very essence and person God is. A love for the habits, ways, thoughts, processes, and workings of God.

2. His Devotion. Now David didn't skimp on the devotion here. In verses 11-12 he asked God for "an undivided heart". 11"...Unite my heart to fear your name." 12"I give thanks to you, O Lord my God, with my whole heart..." David didn't wan't to even think of the possibility of dividing his heart between God and something else. Important: David never lost his passion for God because he never gave it to something else. You don't lose your passion, you give it away to something else. 

3. David's Declaration. 12"I will glorify your name forever." 13"You have delivered me from the grave." David understood the depth of God's love and deliverance. We have to constantly remember how big of a deal it is for God to even allow salvation to happen. We must declare how great our God is on a daily basis. We must also share your faith so we can have a full understanding. Do you ever have those "A-HA!" moments whenever you're explaining a something complicated to someone else? Those moments of "Oh, well now I get it!" When we share our faith with other people, we too are reminded of how deep and awesome salvation is. 

Lastly, Carlos talked an essential part of leading. Recognizing where you're needed to lead. There are four types of people in your life (Not everyone has to fall into a category)

1. Seeders: People that plant dreams. For instance my seeder is Marshall, my grandma, family around me. They help me know that I can make it. 

2. Feeders: These people give us fuel to keep on going. A HUGE shout out to Lindsey Cobb, she has been one excellent sister/mentor and I know I wouldn't be the lady I am without her in my life. She fuels me, keeps me sane, and helps me keep on going. 

3. Leaders: These we don't always like. They stretch us, pull us, tell us when we're wrong. Now there's one main person in this category, and you probably guessed who it is for me... it's my Mom. She has always stretched me, pulled me, been completely honest, and corrected me whenever I needed it. And for that I couldn't be more grateful. In the moment it seemed more like wound but in actuality she was pulling, stretching, and correcting to allow for me to grow. 

4. Needers: These are the people that need to be led by you. They are all around you everywhere you go. Rarely will someone come up and say, "Hey, ummm I'm going to need you to lead me here." You have to look for these people and recognize when you are supposed to be the leader and when you are supposed to be led.

"Get your passion for God right, and he'll get our passion for life right."

Lead Today.