Coming So Far

Christmas. The buzz word everywhere right now. I realize I haven't been blogging as faithfully as possible, but even I still hear christmas music on the radio and see candy canes in the store. But the more popular word for this week and the next... "Finals Week".

With finals approaching and then leaving as quickly as they arrive, the stress factor in the college population sky rockets. Nutritious food is quickly left behind for the binges of chips, pizza, cupcakes, basically anything unhealthy. Personally, my poison is animal crackers. We defy meals to much mind-numbingly on junk food and we pay for it later. But right now, I couldn't think of a better time to nap. Guys you think I'm joking but I'm not. Today, I took a solid 30 minute nap and have never felt better. 

The stress of finals has gotten to me. I will admit that sleeping restlessly and studying all the time makes me want to pull my hair out, but it's not enough to make me stay awake all day. In fact, study breaks have become my good friend these past few weeks. 

A few posts ago I stated that I was going to let go of numbers and live life more. Well, I can't say with 100% certainty that I've accomplished that goal, but I do know that I am so much closer than ever before. People have commented on my optimism during finals and wonder where it comes from. Sometimes I wonder myself where the pressure and stress went. It still reappears from time to time but it's nothing like freshman year. 

If I could go back and tell my freshman in college self some advice here is what it would be, "Taylor, you need to look up, go get some real food, nap, and just breathe." I remember times when I couldn't sleep because my heart was beating out of my chest about the possibility of not performing at a 4.0. Now that I'm a senior, that's actually okay. I have a very high GPA and have worked very hard for it. But I've also come a longer way in taking the grade of a C on an exam and instead of tearing myself up I build up my study habits.

It's finals week but the beauty of controlling stress is in our options to choose what will control our lives. I'm sorry, my grades aren't going to control me. I am very proud of them, but they are not my greatest accomplishment. In fact they are no where near the thing I am most proud of in my life. So to all the frazzled collegiates:

Look up. Go get a real meal. And take a big deep breath.

Live Today.

It's Just Things

This weekend, some robber decided it would be a good thing to break into my car. Pop open my trunk and see what he could find.

There were a spectrum of emotions when I saw that my glove box was open and the contents of my car were scattered everywhere. My doors were locked, and I know I keep a semi-messy car but it is usually nothing like that. I was immediately relieved that I had my wallet on me for the weekend. 

Of course, I called 911, waited for an interminably long amount of time and when the officer finally arrived I let him in the gate. Walking up to my car it hit me that I had not checked my trunk. Then a panic set into my head. After the officer let me check my car, I popped the trunk. When I saw the inside, I immediately started crying. My crown boxes were open, empty, in disarray, and my Micheal Kors purse was gone. They left my lipstick (it's the small things) and a nice jacket. 

After phoning the police, my mother, my board, bank, and plenty of other people my brain was exhausted and I could only think about my class that I'd missed and the classes I had left to face for the day. In all of the hubbub I was able to forget that my car was broken into and was able to laugh, smile, and even do genetics. 

A purse can be replaced, a crown can be replaced. Sentimental value is extremely high but thank goodness I have pictures of those moments. Those things are exactly that... just things. My mom instilled in me the view point that things are something that can't go with you when you go. Don't get me wrong, I love all of the things that were taken but I'm not the one who knows where they are. But they can be replaced.

If anything, this is a lesson of humility. Time to focus on homework. It'll be okay.

Live today.

My Struggle With Numbers

To be honest, this is not a post I want to write. In fact, I'm pretty sure no one likes to admit their struggles, failures, and frustrations. But as a person, I believe being transparent can change the world. Of course I believe there is a time and place for such things and for me the time and the place is here and now.

I have previously written about how simple words from an adviser wrecked my graduation plan to no end. Well from there started a spiral into frustration, anger, and silence that has only recently begun to lift. After walking out of the office, I cried and cried because it wasn't fair. The hard work that had been put in wasn't being rewarded and it just wasn't fair. Well, oddly enough I somehow continuously forgot to remind myself that life isn't fair. Then my speech came. It went so well and I knew that I was doing something I was called to do. I lost myself in the moment of speaking to pause my time and look at men and women and genuinely say, "You are going to be alright."

Even the past few weekends have been talks about deadlines and can we make it all come together in time. Am I on the right path that will have me graduating in 2014? How many classes do I have left? How many inches can/should I lose? When is Miss Georgia? What is my GPA? What do I have to make to maintain it?

Don't get me wrong. Deadlines are needed. I believe that for some things, you can't just go with the wind and see where you wind up. We need structure and we need a path. But the hardened mindset of an unchanging path is where I fall into trouble. I was so set on reaching all of my goals and making sure that I did them before the due date that I forgot to look up and see, smile, and appreciate how far I had come. There are so many more things enjoyable in life. For me, the phone call with a friend was what I needed to turn it all around. To hear someone like myself admit this struggle all of the sudden things made sense. I might not falter with some things, but time will always be my weakness. I don't want to squander my days but the precious relationships that come along should be more important than finishing the check-list for the day. 

This weekend, I spent time with friends that I haven't seen in a good while. Their kids had grown up so much, and my mother and I got to see their last soccer game of the season. Watching those kids go after the ball with no sense of time for substitutions or the half, just a passion to kick the ball in the right direction or get closer to the ball to attempt a kick was a sweet and wonderful reminder for me. Sometime life isn't always about making the perfect kick, pass, or run downfield; it's about the passion of playing the game. We all are living borrowed lives, which makes it all the better when we spend time passionately following after our goals not concentrating on when the whistle will be blown.

Live Today.

Comfort

On Thursday I will be giving a fifteen minute speech. Now, those of you that know me say "Oh please, you talk for fifteen minutes every time your mouth flies open." While that may be true, I don't usually talk about one topic for fifteen minutes. There's an ease and a flow to conversation that is sometimes missing in speeches or is presented in such a cheesy way that all you want to do is roll your eyes. 

I'm not a teacher. This I know. If I was then I wouldn't be nearly as scared. Those champions get up and talk for 55 minutes to 2 hours on one overlaying topic. 

This could quite possibly be one of the hardest speeches to write. Not only because of it's length, but because I'm going to have to dive back into my losses and present them. 

A couple months ago, a dear friend's mom called me and said "Taylor, you should incorporate loss in your platform." Well naturally I was confused and couldn't even think about where to start and then I got a wonderful opportunity to go down to Shands Lake Shore and give a speech along with 3 women who had lost their mother to breast cancer. Well, when God opens a door, you had better step thru it. 

Last week I went and met with my friend's mom and she gave me a verse that inspired it all; 

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

I may not have lost a blood relative from cancer, but I have experienced its evil and it's ability to take away things that we love. I have experienced loss and now it is my turn to comfort those going thru it.

So if your praying on Thursday around 12:00 pm, please lift up a prayer for the speech that will come out of my mouth. I pray it will be constructive and, most importantly, comforting.

Live Today.

Breast Cancer Prevention Pt. 1

This was found on the ACS website, but it's so long I have broken it up into pieces.

Can breast cancer be found early?

Screening refers to tests and exams used to find a disease, like cancer, in people who do not have any symptoms. The goal of screening exams, such as mammograms, is to find cancers before they start to cause symptoms. Breast cancers that are found because they can be felt tend to be larger and are more likely to have already spread beyond the breast. In contrast, breast cancers found during screening exams are more likely to be small and still confined to the breast. The size of a breast cancer and how far it has spread are important factors in predicting the prognosis (outlook) for a woman with this disease.

Most doctors feel that early detection tests for breast cancer save many thousands of lives each year, and that many more lives could be saved if even more women and their health care providers took advantage of these tests. Following the American Cancer Society's guidelines for the early detection of breast cancer improves the chances that breast cancer can be diagnosed at an early stage and treated successfully.

American Cancer Society recommendations for early breast cancer detection

Women age 40 and older should have a screening mammogram every year and should continue to do so for as long as they are in good health.

• Current evidence supporting mammograms is even stronger than in the past. In particular, recent evidence has confirmed that mammograms offer substantial benefit for women in their 40s. Women can feel confident about the benefits associated with regular mammograms for finding cancer early. However, mammograms also have limitations. A mammogram will miss some cancers, and it sometimes leads to follow up of findings that are not cancer, including biopsies.
• Women should be told about the benefits, limitations, and potential harms linked with regular screening. Mammograms can miss some cancers. But despite their limitations, they remain a very effective and valuable tool for decreasing suffering and death from breast cancer.
• Mammograms for older women should be based on the individual, her health, and other serious illnesses, such as congestive heart failure, end-stage renal disease, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, and moderate-to-severe dementia. Age alone should not be the reason to stop having regular mammograms. As long as a woman is in good health and would be a candidate for treatment, she should continue to be screened with a mammogram.

Women in their 20s and 30s should have a clinical breast exam (CBE) as part of a periodic (regular) health exam by a health professional, at least every 3 years. After age 40, women should have a breast exam by a health professional every year.

• CBE is a complement to mammograms and an opportunity for women and their doctor or nurse to discuss changes in their breasts, early detection testing, and factors in the woman's history that might make her more likely to have breast cancer.
• There may be some benefit in having the CBE shortly before the mammogram. The exam should include instruction for the purpose of getting more familiar with your own breasts. Women should also be given information about the benefits and limitations of CBE and breast self-exam (BSE). Breast cancer risk is very low for women in their 20s and gradually increases with age. Women should be told to promptly report any new breast symptoms to a health professional.

Breast self-exam (BSE) is an option for women starting in their 20s. Women should be told about the benefits and limitations of BSE. Women should report any breast changes to their health professional right away.

• Research has shown that BSE plays a small role in finding breast cancer compared with finding a breast lump by chance or simply being aware of what is normal for each woman. Some women feel very comfortable doing BSE regularly (usually monthly after their period) which involves a systematic step-by-step approach to examining the look and feel of their breasts. Other women are more comfortable simply looking and feeling their breasts in a less systematic approach, such as while showering or getting dressed or doing an occasional thorough exam.
• Sometimes, women are so concerned about "doing it right" that they become stressed over the technique. Doing BSE regularly is one way for women to know how their breasts normally look and feel and to notice any changes. The goal, with or without BSE, is to report any breast changes to a doctor or nurse right away.
• Women who choose to do BSE should have their BSE technique reviewed during their physical exam by a health professional. It is okay for women to choose not to do BSE or not to do it on a regular schedule. However, by doing the exam regularly, you get to know how your breasts normally look and feel and you can more readily detect any signs or symptoms if a change occurs, such as development of a lump or swelling, skin irritation or dimpling, nipple pain or retraction (turning inward), redness or scaliness of the nipple or breast skin, or a discharge other than breast milk. Should you notice any changes you should see your health care provider as soon as possible for evaluation. Remember that most of the time, however, these breast changes are not cancer.

Multiplying Joy

Looking back at the previous year, sometimes it felt like I was simply going thru the motions. Even now, I have school Monday thru Friday, I train on Tuesday, attempt to nap pretty much everyday, and then do homework. Trying to take all sciences in a semester is a heavy load and time is required to put into school; however, time is also required to be put into life. 

This past week showed me just how much harder I had to work in order to even achieve some semblance of a balanced life. Please do not misunderstand this as complaining. The previous week and weekend has been ultimately one of the most exciting of my life, but it was also a definite learning curve. My small group is studying James and the lesson I had to study this week was about trials and joy. Let me talk about what all has been going on and see if you agree that the lesson was needed to get me thru this week.

I strongly believe that joy and happiness are two different things. Happiness is a circumstantial emotion. There are times where I am not happy. At all. I am either crying, fuming, or just overall gloomy. There's nothing wrong with these emotions, but I am at all times joyful. Joy is not circumstantial because it relies on the knowledge that even through my swings of emotions, I have a firm foundation and a person that will never let me down and has a purpose for everything that is happening in my life. 

Monday, I got my physics test back. I didn't do as well as I wanted. I was not happy. Also that day I decided to go to my advisor to talk about graduation and then got hit with another reason to not be happy. She looked at me and told me that there was no way I could graduate in May. There were still 15-16 hours of electives I had to take. For me, that was the breaking point. I walked out of her office, headed straight for my car, and cried. Not like the pretty crying either. However, as my mother told me, "There's nothing you can do to change the requirements of your major. Pick yourself up, study hard, and keep going." In that moment, I had to take a second and thank God that I went to see my advisor sooner rather than later and got the news now rather than hearing why my petition to graduate would be denied. 

Lee Brice y'all.

The sister queen that is basically wonderful.
God knew what he was doing when he put us
together.

Wednesday, I got to see my sister queen, hang out with Lee Brice, hear Anna NAIL the national anthem, spend time with my wonderful Miss Cobb County Board, and eat a funnel cake. (Sorry trainer. It was delicious.) I was happy. My happiness was multiplied by everything that had gone right that day. I knew that the day was easy and for those 24 hours my burden was only semi-heavy. Being able to talk to people about things outside of school and grades was definitely a relief and getting to support my wonderful, hilarious, sweet, and amazing sister was something that made me happy. So easy to say, my joy was multiplied that day. I sang all day, laughed, and again thanked God for wonderful people in my life.

A few of My AMAZING CREW!

Thursday, the nerves kicked in my system. I was singing the national anthem with the dreaded "land of the free" note in front of 30,000 plus people. Thankfully, I had an AMAZING support crew with me. Thank goodness that Scott drove and Maggie was there to distract because I was a bundle of stress and nerves basically the whole trip down. And shout out to Scott, Mitchell, and Maggie for still loving me after I was so quiet and weird the whole way down. You will never ever know how much I appreciated the company that kept me from melting down into tears and kept me smiling and laughing because traffic was bad. The time came for me to sing. I opened my mouth and this is what came out.

I'm not even sure how I sang. I don't really remember thinking. All I remember is praying that God would help me get thru it, forget about my stress and nerves, and stop the microphone from shaking. At sometime in the song, I just knew that it was going to end well. I became relaxed and just sang. At the end, I just stood on the stage for a good 5-10 seconds just smiling as the crowd cheered. There is no description for the feeling I had. I looked down and my entire group that came with me, my board, and Terry (the man that made this happen) were cheering and clapping and an overwhelming feeling of satisfaction and gratitude hit me all at once. I was happy. I was joyful. 

Thank you Susan for snapping this
awesome picture.

Fair rides. Where all the cool
kids go.

snuck out of the concert to go ride the fair rides and the picture to the right is the result. I'm telling you. If you have a friend that will ride rickety fair rides, take ridiculous pictures on the fair ride, and scream the whole time with you, you've got a good one. If you have friends that will watch you ride the rickety fair ride and laugh at you the whole time while you're screaming your head off, you've got more great friends. People, I'm here to tell you that I've got some quality friends. The joy was multiplied over the weekend by a visit from my boyfriend. The support that comes from him is so wonderful, that I can't even begin to thank him.

My trials are far from over. However, my joy is continuously multiplied even if my happiness is not. There are many things that are still about to come my way. The trials are real but they are temporary. Remember that when you go thru it all. Do not diminish your struggle but never lose faith in the fact that you are loved beyond belief.

Live Today.

Changing Miss America

As many of my pageant friends, and probably non-pageant friends know, Miss America was last night. Of course with state pride, I wanted us to bring home the crown, but I am thankful that we were fortunate to make the top 15, 12, and top 10. So, congratulations Carly Mathis, you performed beautifully at Miss America and definitely made Georgia proud. 

However, what I'm not proud of is the so-called "American" reaction. I was perusing websites this morning looking for recaps of last night from different perspectives and I was horrified at what I saw. After Miss New York was crowned Miss America, a social media EXPLOSION began over what seems to be a very poorly thought out argument. Tweets saying, "Miss Al Qaeda" or "Miss 7-11" were everywhere to be found, but very few non-sarcastic congratulatory posts were anywhere to be seen. Nina is a beautiful Indian-American woman, and it's about time that the Miss America Organization reflects the diversity in America. 

Even Nina's talent was something different and I believe it truly made her stand out. I could never achieve moving my body like that. She showed her cultural aspect along with the challenge of putting that aspect to music and THEN she killed it. Many comments of her talent were "too funny to even really watch" or "we don't dance like that in America". Wake up America, some of your citizens do actually dance like that. And in my mind, this was a much classier and tasteful show than what you would see at a common American school dance. Her talent meant more to her than a minute and a half spinning around on stage. Her talent showed expression of her culture and beautifully demonstrated an art that is rarely seen on a national stage.

As a matter of fact, Nina's question addressed this issue specifically. Her answer contained, "Miss America is not who she was ten years ago and she is not now who she will be ten years from now..." Exactly. Nina is reflecting the changing country we live in today. And no disrespect towards Miss Kansas, but the judges simply did not pick her. Pageants are a game of who's going to get picked by 5 strangers. Even with one different judge, the outcome could have been completely different. 

I don't know how Nina will do as Miss America this year. I don't know her and have never met her in my life. Yet even with this little knowledge, I will support her as the representative of a system I am proud to serve. Shame on you America for saying you have welcome and opening arms, yet have closed minds. Nina is an American, a full citizen of this wonderful country, and deserves the respect and the backing of her country. 

America the brave is still fears what we don't know. 

Live Today.