Multiplying Joy

Looking back at the previous year, sometimes it felt like I was simply going thru the motions. Even now, I have school Monday thru Friday, I train on Tuesday, attempt to nap pretty much everyday, and then do homework. Trying to take all sciences in a semester is a heavy load and time is required to put into school; however, time is also required to be put into life. 

This past week showed me just how much harder I had to work in order to even achieve some semblance of a balanced life. Please do not misunderstand this as complaining. The previous week and weekend has been ultimately one of the most exciting of my life, but it was also a definite learning curve. My small group is studying James and the lesson I had to study this week was about trials and joy. Let me talk about what all has been going on and see if you agree that the lesson was needed to get me thru this week.

I strongly believe that joy and happiness are two different things. Happiness is a circumstantial emotion. There are times where I am not happy. At all. I am either crying, fuming, or just overall gloomy. There's nothing wrong with these emotions, but I am at all times joyful. Joy is not circumstantial because it relies on the knowledge that even through my swings of emotions, I have a firm foundation and a person that will never let me down and has a purpose for everything that is happening in my life. 

Monday, I got my physics test back. I didn't do as well as I wanted. I was not happy. Also that day I decided to go to my advisor to talk about graduation and then got hit with another reason to not be happy. She looked at me and told me that there was no way I could graduate in May. There were still 15-16 hours of electives I had to take. For me, that was the breaking point. I walked out of her office, headed straight for my car, and cried. Not like the pretty crying either. However, as my mother told me, "There's nothing you can do to change the requirements of your major. Pick yourself up, study hard, and keep going." In that moment, I had to take a second and thank God that I went to see my advisor sooner rather than later and got the news now rather than hearing why my petition to graduate would be denied. 

Lee Brice y'all.

The sister queen that is basically wonderful.
God knew what he was doing when he put us
together.

Wednesday, I got to see my sister queen, hang out with Lee Brice, hear Anna NAIL the national anthem, spend time with my wonderful Miss Cobb County Board, and eat a funnel cake. (Sorry trainer. It was delicious.) I was happy. My happiness was multiplied by everything that had gone right that day. I knew that the day was easy and for those 24 hours my burden was only semi-heavy. Being able to talk to people about things outside of school and grades was definitely a relief and getting to support my wonderful, hilarious, sweet, and amazing sister was something that made me happy. So easy to say, my joy was multiplied that day. I sang all day, laughed, and again thanked God for wonderful people in my life.

A few of My AMAZING CREW!

Thursday, the nerves kicked in my system. I was singing the national anthem with the dreaded "land of the free" note in front of 30,000 plus people. Thankfully, I had an AMAZING support crew with me. Thank goodness that Scott drove and Maggie was there to distract because I was a bundle of stress and nerves basically the whole trip down. And shout out to Scott, Mitchell, and Maggie for still loving me after I was so quiet and weird the whole way down. You will never ever know how much I appreciated the company that kept me from melting down into tears and kept me smiling and laughing because traffic was bad. The time came for me to sing. I opened my mouth and this is what came out.

I'm not even sure how I sang. I don't really remember thinking. All I remember is praying that God would help me get thru it, forget about my stress and nerves, and stop the microphone from shaking. At sometime in the song, I just knew that it was going to end well. I became relaxed and just sang. At the end, I just stood on the stage for a good 5-10 seconds just smiling as the crowd cheered. There is no description for the feeling I had. I looked down and my entire group that came with me, my board, and Terry (the man that made this happen) were cheering and clapping and an overwhelming feeling of satisfaction and gratitude hit me all at once. I was happy. I was joyful. 

Thank you Susan for snapping this
awesome picture.

Fair rides. Where all the cool
kids go.

snuck out of the concert to go ride the fair rides and the picture to the right is the result. I'm telling you. If you have a friend that will ride rickety fair rides, take ridiculous pictures on the fair ride, and scream the whole time with you, you've got a good one. If you have friends that will watch you ride the rickety fair ride and laugh at you the whole time while you're screaming your head off, you've got more great friends. People, I'm here to tell you that I've got some quality friends. The joy was multiplied over the weekend by a visit from my boyfriend. The support that comes from him is so wonderful, that I can't even begin to thank him.

My trials are far from over. However, my joy is continuously multiplied even if my happiness is not. There are many things that are still about to come my way. The trials are real but they are temporary. Remember that when you go thru it all. Do not diminish your struggle but never lose faith in the fact that you are loved beyond belief.

Live Today.

Changing Miss America

As many of my pageant friends, and probably non-pageant friends know, Miss America was last night. Of course with state pride, I wanted us to bring home the crown, but I am thankful that we were fortunate to make the top 15, 12, and top 10. So, congratulations Carly Mathis, you performed beautifully at Miss America and definitely made Georgia proud. 

However, what I'm not proud of is the so-called "American" reaction. I was perusing websites this morning looking for recaps of last night from different perspectives and I was horrified at what I saw. After Miss New York was crowned Miss America, a social media EXPLOSION began over what seems to be a very poorly thought out argument. Tweets saying, "Miss Al Qaeda" or "Miss 7-11" were everywhere to be found, but very few non-sarcastic congratulatory posts were anywhere to be seen. Nina is a beautiful Indian-American woman, and it's about time that the Miss America Organization reflects the diversity in America. 

Even Nina's talent was something different and I believe it truly made her stand out. I could never achieve moving my body like that. She showed her cultural aspect along with the challenge of putting that aspect to music and THEN she killed it. Many comments of her talent were "too funny to even really watch" or "we don't dance like that in America". Wake up America, some of your citizens do actually dance like that. And in my mind, this was a much classier and tasteful show than what you would see at a common American school dance. Her talent meant more to her than a minute and a half spinning around on stage. Her talent showed expression of her culture and beautifully demonstrated an art that is rarely seen on a national stage.

As a matter of fact, Nina's question addressed this issue specifically. Her answer contained, "Miss America is not who she was ten years ago and she is not now who she will be ten years from now..." Exactly. Nina is reflecting the changing country we live in today. And no disrespect towards Miss Kansas, but the judges simply did not pick her. Pageants are a game of who's going to get picked by 5 strangers. Even with one different judge, the outcome could have been completely different. 

I don't know how Nina will do as Miss America this year. I don't know her and have never met her in my life. Yet even with this little knowledge, I will support her as the representative of a system I am proud to serve. Shame on you America for saying you have welcome and opening arms, yet have closed minds. Nina is an American, a full citizen of this wonderful country, and deserves the respect and the backing of her country. 

America the brave is still fears what we don't know. 

Live Today.